Daddy has this eye twitch thing that happens every time he’s talking about his old adventuring days and either Lenn or Paulie come up. He also shudders any time he talks about Geo, but that’s not important. None of my companions are disturbing. But all of my companions are, in some fashion, difficult to deal with. Quirky, if you want to be nice.
I think I’m beginning to develop the same eye twitch.
“I punched one of those things so hard that its intestines flew directly out of its back,” Gregor said, emphasizing the word “intestines”.
“Yeah, it was right in front of you,” Terry argued. “No skill, only brute force.”
“This is not true. Is not just matter of hitting hard. Must hit just right, in just right place. Is much skill involved.”
“Oh, whatever. I shot an enemy concealed in the murky waters as it moved. It was thirty, maybe more, feet away.”
“And then it floated away. One less skin for us!”
“I still shot it at a much greater range than you punched yours.”
“Yes, but you shoot, what, four, five times? How many times you hit?” Gregor looked smug about that one.
“We’re getting nowhere with this. Nadya, who do you think was cooler in that last fight?”
The poor woman looked like a dear caught in headlights. She gave me a look that screamed “Help me!”
I sighed. “Now, now, girls, you’re both very pretty. There’s no need to fight about it.” My voice might have been dripping with sarcasm.
I thought I saw Terry stick her tongue out at Gregor, but they dropped it. Nadya moved to change the subject. “We are almost to city, but I do not think we should go straight to city,” she said.
“Oh? Why not?” Burin asked.
“Entering city is dangerous if we have no official business, but my husband’s uncle Ringeirr can get us in. He lives in the fish camps just outside the city.”
“Didn’t you say he was a fisherman?” Terry asked.
“That was… not entire truth.” I wasn’t sure where she was going with this, but I kinda hoped she’d tell us he owned a brothel, considering the way the terminology with fishing was sometimes used euphemistically to mean things from the sex trade. The fish camps could very well be the brothel district. “He is, in truth, a smuggler.” Damn. “His wife and son were taking by the witches many years ago, when my husband was merely a boy. In his attempts to get close enough to save them, he learned many tricks for entering the city. This is why I’m certain he can get us in.”
“Seems reasonable,” Terry said.
I shrugged. “Having a local to give us tips couldn’t hurt.”
No one voiced disagreement, so we followed the road to the camps. The village, for lack of a better term, was half built on platforms over the water. Someone had erected a wooden palisade around the land side and there were four guards at the entrance, two on the ground chatting and another two up on towers on either side of the gate.
The two on the ground paid us no attention, even when Burin walked up and greeted them. So Terry just walked past them. “Why must you always go alone?” I heard Gregor say next to me.
The two guards on the ground continued to ignore us, seemingly not wanting to turn into the cold wind that was coming from off to our left. But the ones on the towers reacted. “Oi! What makes you think you can just walk past them like that?”
“Yeah, poppet. You may be small, but you still have to wait for inspection like everyone.” They pulled out triangles – yes, the instrument – and began striking them and screaming “ALARM!”
One of the guards on the ground rolled his eyes and turned to the men on the tower. “Steve, Bill, what did we tell you about doing that for every little thing?”
“But they’re trying to sneak in!” one of the others protested.
“Actually,” the other said. “Now that I think about it, you lot look familiar.”
Dammit. And then Burin walked up. “Oh! I remember you!” Yeah, I was starting to twitch. “Sorry about what happened back at the tower, Bill and Steve. It was nothing personal.”
“Alright, since these two are going off again, we need you to submit for inspection,” one of the unnamed guards said.
“Oh. Should I drop my weapon?” Burin asked, holding up his axe.
“That would make our jobs easier!” one of the guards up top – Bill? – said. He sounded like he was planning to hurt us.
“Okay,” Burin said, dropping his axe. Well, okay. I had been spending days trying to explain to him on how to avoid causing us more trouble with the guards once we reached the city. But the dwarf was far too trusting of authority. There was a difference between not making trouble and slavishly following the orders of authority. Sadly, I don’t think being cagey is in his wheelhouse.
Terry wasn’t having any of it. She pulled out her gun and tried to fire at Bill and Steve. For once, I tended to agree. This was obviously heading towards a fight, so we might as well get going with it. Still, the timing might not have been great. But ultimately, acting first was probably fine.
Unfortunately, “tried” was the operative word here. Instead of firing, her gun jammed and she and Burin suddenly traded places.
“WHAT THE ‘ELL?!” Steve shouted. “She tried to shoot us! Can we ring the alarm now, CHAD?” his voice was absolutely dripping with outrage and sarcasm. He began ringing his triangle again, joined once more by Bill.
“You know,” Nadya said to me, “this would be hilarious if we weren’t about to die.”
“Oh, we’re not about to die. Terry and Burin are.”
“How are you so sure?”
“A few guards won’t kill us.”
“Then why are Terry and Burin going to die?”
“Because I’m going to kill them myself.”
Gregor charged, killing the final unnamed guard. “RAUL!” Bill and Steve shouted in horror before they retreated to sound the alarm. Burin charged in, shovel in hand, and whiffed heroically.
“I see that your plan to go alone worked well as usual,” Gregor said smugly to Terry.
“IT’S NOT MY FAULT! It’s that stupid time thing!” she replied, clearing the jam in her gun.
Burin dropped his shovel and picked up his axe while Nadya moved in to fight the remaining guard – Chad, apparently. Gregor spun around and kicked the man, splattering his blood all over poor Nadya.
I tried to move to clean her up, but four more guards arrived. “Well, sod me. Bill and Steve were actually telling the truth!” one of them exclaimed. “Drop your weapons and we’ll kill you.”
“Shouldn’t it be, ‘Drop your weapons and we won’t kill you’?” another asked him.
“Hey, when you make sergeant, you can decide on what you say. But until then, shut the hell up and go take their weapons so we can kill them!”
“Sir, yes, sir!” the three underlings shouted before charging.
Burin was at our fore, so he took the brunt of the charge. Ogre-hooks in hand, two of the guards tripped him while the third and the captain brought attacks to bear on the prone dwarf. There was… a lot of blood. But he was still alive, because he stood and took a couple more nasty gashes.
Gregor punched another, sending him flying. His corpse fell limp at the base of the wall. The docks then began to buckle under the weight of the fighting crowd, collapsing beneath two of the remaining guards.
I hit the guard captain – only guard on the dock – with a burst of sound and Terry finished him with a well-placed rifle shot. And then, as if the dock collapse wasn’t enough, the wind kicked up. Don’t misunderstand. It wasn’t a light breeze. It wasn’t a decent wind. It was a full force gale. And it wasn’t coming alone.
A ruined dinghy swept through the air and struck Gregor, Burin and the two guards who had just managed to drag themselves up to their feet after the dock collapse. My allies were barely hit by a glancing blow, but the guards took the boat full force and were sent flying over fifteen feet!
And then, as quickly as it had kicked up, the wind dropped back to a heavy breeze.
It was like the universe was messing with us. I wouldn’t have believed it had I not seen it for myself. Even as I write this, I’m questioning whether it happened. But I swear, it did. On my life, a boat flew through the air and hit the guards we were fighting and knocked down Gregor, Burin and Nadya.
One of the guards groaned and Terry – she looked freaked out – shot him. The second guard was hidden behind the wreckage of the boat, which probably saved his life. Burin and Gregor got to him first, but not before a disoriented Nadya slashed the dwarf across the arm. She was rather apologetic when she realized what she’d done.
At their advice, the guard surrendered. Gregor tied him up and slung him over his shoulder. Then we made our way into the village, in search of an inn where we could find information about Nadya’s uncle.
The inn – and I swear to God this is true – was named “The Spotted Goat”. The sign even had an image of a goat on it.
So, of course, psycho-loli attacked the sign, hurling a dagger straight into the goat’s eye. The noise drew the innkeeper’s attention. “Hey! What are you doing to my sign?!”
“It’s evil,” Terry said.
“Hello, we’re looking for a room and some information on my uncle Ringeirr,” Nadya said.
The innkeeper slammed the door. “No! Go away. I’m not getting involved.” Involved in what?
I knocked lightly. Perhaps a little sweet, innocent maiden act would convince him. “Please sir, it has been a long road. We’re cold and tired. We have coin and will happily pay for the damage to your sign. You won’t even have to worry about feeding us. We have our own food. Please, I beg you, it’s so cold. My poor sister’s fingers are turning blue.”
The door creaked open. “Okay, but you’re paying double.”
Terry handed him five gold coins, about ten times what the sign was probably worth. “Sorry for attacking your sign. But you should really consider changing the mascot. Those assholes are evil.”
“Alright, come on in…” then he noticed the guard Gregor was carrying and slammed the door again. “You idiots! You’ll bring Marcian’s wrath down on me! Leave, now!” So much for my attempt at diplomacy. Foiled by the works of my allies once more.
“Who? Do we need to kill this guy in order to get a room?” Terry asked.
“Go away!”
“Please, at least tell us where we can find Ringeirr,” Nadya said.
“I’ll tell you nothing! Now leave!”
“At least take the guard,” Burin said. “It’d be a real shame if he died from the cold on your doorstep.” There was no indication from his tone of voice that he was saying that to intimidate the man. He actually meant it.
“Yes,” Gregor said. “Is very cold. He will not last long, tied like this. If you do not take him in, it would be more merciful for us to end him right here.”
“You’d make a mess of the poor innkeeper’s doorstep,” I noted.
“Okay! I’ll take the guard!” the innkeeper said, opening his door. “Now leave!”
“Just tell us where Ringeirr is and we’ll be on our way,” Nadya said.
“Marcian arrested him for making trouble. He’s likely in the guardhouse. Now go!”
As he was shutting the door, I heard the guard whisper, “Thank you! You saved my life! Those people are crazy!” He sounded like he was about to cry.
We went over to the guardhouse. It was easy to spot because it was being guarded by a pair of dozing ogres. “Hello!” Burin called to them as we approached.
“Go away,” the ogre on the left said.
“No,” Burin said.
“Are we going to have a problem?”
“Please sir,” Nadya said. “We’ve just come to town to visit my uncle, but we’ve heard that he’s gone and gotten himself in trouble. Please, let us speak to him and we’ll see if we can get this sorted out.” It was a nice attempt at diplomacy, but doomed to fail.
“No talking. Just leave.” And then we began fighting. It was, like all of our fights, quick and brutal. Terry shot the ogre who had been speaking. As he fell, he said, “Avenge me, Borger!”
Then Gregor punched the second ogre, “I’m coming, Whunk!” and he hit the ground, dead. In the meantime, Burin had taken a couple hits from massive great clubs. He was incredibly bloodied. Terry hit him with the nanites and I tapped him with the wand to finish the healing.
Gregor opened the door and headed inside. There were doors on either side of the hallway within, and stairs going up. Gregor went up the stairs, making it halfway up before a number of guards poured from the rooms, blocking his retreat while some came for us.
Terry took the opportunity to snark. “Why must you always go alone?!” she shouted at Gregor. She looked far too amused at her own words. Burin cleaved one guard in half as he came through the door. No kill like overkill, as they say. Once Burin, Terry and Nadya had made a path, I rushed inside and hit several of the guards with a burst of flame, using the walls to avoid risk of hitting Gregor. Then Gregor finished the other guard off and led the way upstairs.
We followed. Terry immediately found a locked chest and got to work trying to open it. The door across the hall was stuck, so Gregor was working on trying to get it open. Suddenly, without warning, he spun around and threw his hat, narrowly missing me by inches.
We heard a pair of clanks as Gregor’s hat flew between Terry and the chest, intercepting a pair of darts from the hidden trap mechanism she had triggered while working.
“What was that?” Nadya asked. “How did you know?!”
“I heard sound of spring release,” the fighter replied with a shrug.
Burin identified the contents of the chest while Gregor continued working on the door. “This is a wand of Spider Climb,” I heard him say to Terry. “It’s a spell that lets you walk on walls. I’ll hang onto it for now, if that’s okay.”
“Go for it,” I called back to him. Gregor shoved open the door and I walked in. There was a man who looked like he’d been brutalized tied up within. “Nadya! I think you need to get in here!” I called as I drew my healing wand.
“Ringeirr!” she gasped as she saw the man. He began to stir as I healed him.
“Nadya? Is that you?” he asked.
“Yes, we’re here to help you.”
I suddenly realized that I smelled smoke, but before I could say anything, we heard a voice calling from the bottom of the stairs. “For killing my guards, you can burn to death up there!” Then I heard the front door slam.
Terry was trying to open the window so she could shoot at the fleeing figure. Meanwhile, Gregor and Burin tore a hole in the opposite wall. “Is not far to jump, but docks below look old. May not take our weight,” Gregor said.
Terry suddenly had an idea. “Okay, so why don’t we use that wand to just walk down the side of the building?”
“The wand of Spider Climb?” I asked.
“Yes, that one.”
“The one Burin has?” I confirmed.
“YES,” she said, as if I was stupid.
“Well, I’m not sure Burin’s gonna be able to reach you from down there,” I said, indicating the dwarf who had already jumped down.
Terry cried out in annoyance. Gregor analyzed it. “It held, but splintered. If we can just land in different spots, should be fine. If you’re scared, I can catch you.” They spent almost a minute working it all out. They were deep in conversation, so I didn’t want to butt in with the obvious solution.
Gregor took a flying leap, landing nearly twenty feet away. Then Nadya jumped, and Ringeirr. Terry then jumped and was caught by Gregor. Finally it was my turn. I looked down, giving them an annoyed look.
“I can catch you, if you want!” Gregor called up.
“No, I don’t think that’ll be necessary,” I said. Then I lowered myself from the hole in the wall and dropped about three feet.
“Oh,” I heard Nadya say in realization. I ended up getting some splinters from it, but the sheepish looks I got from a couple of them made the whole thing worth it.
“We should head for the tavern,” Ringeirr suggested. “I’m not sure if my house will be safe.”
“Which tavern?” Terry asked.
“The Spotted Goat.”
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Burin said. “Your house would be better.”
“Why not?”
I sighed. “We may have terrorized the innkeeper.”
He gave me a surprised look. “I won’t even ask.”
“Yeah, you’re better off not knowing.”
We went to Ringeirr’s home, and it was fairly cramped. But there was enough room, if only barely. And there was a second room which offered some privacy for changing. Not that I cared, but I was sure it would matter to Nadya and Terry.
After Nadya filled him in on what had happened to Thora, we told Ringeirr of our journey. I won’t add in much about that, other than a few highlights. Terry did most of the talking, and at one point she offended Gregor by calling the God of Martial Arts his “imaginary friend”. Burin came to his defense.
In retaliation, Gregor stood behind her making a “blah, blah” gesture as she continued talking. And at one point, while she was talking about the goats, Burin made a bleating noise, much to her annoyance.
In return, Ringeirr confirmed what Nadya had told us, but added in a major detail she didn’t know. Apparently he’d hooked up with a resistance group that called itself “The Heralds of Summer’s Return”. It was a group of Milani – a minor goddess who aids those seeking to throw off the chains of tyranny – worshippers. He had been working to help people flee the city as well as smuggling in needed supplies.
He also told us that entering the city would be even more dangerous than Nadya knew. Elvanna had disbanded the city’s Iron Guard, which was loyal to the nation – and necessarily, at least somewhat loyal to Baba Yaga – and replaced it with a new Winter Guard, filled only with forces loyal to her. Worse still, there was a major crackdown on traffic coming into the city.
But there were holes we could exploit. The hardest part would be getting proper identification. “I’ve forged ID before,” I said. “All I need is a couple legit sets of papers and I can easily make us what we need.” Hell, I fooled the US National Identification Database long enough to get a tattoo. So some simple papers would be a breeze. Especially with Cortana’s help.
“Getting those papers may be tricky. And we may not need them. I know a forger in the city who is already familiar with what we’ll need. And he lives in a district I think we can get into. I suggest we claim that you are a group of stilyagi, rich kids who adopt the cultural norms of other nations and rove in bands causing minor mischief, or their foreign hangers on. As such you would be free to carry weapons. Alternatively, you could pretend to be slaves, but the restrictions on carrying weapons would be much greater.”
“We were thinking about disguising ourselves as Winter Wolves in human form,” I said.
“Not a good idea. The wolves in the city would easily tell from your scent that you aren’t their kin.”
I grinned. “We have that part covered. The only issue is Gregor’s hair, which we can’t make convincingly white. Unless you’d care to shave it off?” I asked the fighter.
“No, I think that will not be necessary.” Gregor actually looked offended at the suggestion.
“Then I guess he can pretend to be our slave or something. Maybe a mercenary working for us?”
“That would work well enough,” Ringeirr agreed. “I will need one, maybe two days to prepare, then we should head in during the midday. But there is one thing we should discuss now.” He put his hands on Nadya’s shoulders. “Dear child, you have far too much to lose. I will arrange for friends to help you get home. Please, go be with your children.”
“But I wish to help,” she protested.
Terry, of all people, spoke up. “Nadya, I know what it’s like to lose both of your parents. Please, don’t do that to your children. Go, take care of them. I promise that we will find a way to let you know when we’ve killed Nazhena and avenged Thora.” With the emotion in her voice as she made her impassioned plea, I found myself hating the sociopath a little less. It was a good note to end the day, and a great note to end an entry. With that, I’m off to go work with Cortana on a few things before we go.
You never know what might come in handy when you’re sneaking into a city.
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