So, yeah, let’s start with the whole Anastasia thing. To say it was awkward might be an understatement. Things were said. Accusations were made. Apparently, trying to explain that there’s a difference between a witch and a wizard was the wrong choice, especially with Terry standing there agreeing with the princess’ arguments. Thank God for Persephone. She was finally able to get the girl to calm down, even if she didn’t entirely trust the woman she’d seen turn into a manticore.
The weirdest part was that Burin didn’t manage to say anything to make things worse. Not for lack of trying to “help”, in his earnest, dwarfy way. But luck was on our side, and Anastasia was too freaked out to listen to him.
Once that issue was handled, I sat down and started to relax, but quickly realized that the group of us stuck in such close proximity was a recipe for flaring tempers. We needed something to keep our minds occupied. But what to do?
Well, Cortana had a suggestion. And it wasn’t a bad one. So it was that I set up a projector and an old gaming console in the common room and had everyone playing old videogames taken from a list Daddy had put together.
Surprisingly, Emily didn’t play much. She mostly slept. In fact, I’d begun to suspect something was wrong with her even before the time Terry came running out of his room half naked demanding we wake Emily back up. I’m guessing he and Persephone had been having sex when Emily passing out caused Persephone to disappear.
Like I said, I’d already suspected something was wrong with Emily. That maybe she had a cold or something. But it was then when we realized something was really wrong.
You see, Emily wouldn’t wake up.
She wasn’t dead. No, she was definitely breathing. And she didn’t seem to be in a coma. No, her eyes were fluttering like she was dreaming. And if she was dreaming, that meant we could talk to her, and maybe find out if something was wrong.
“You don’t think a demon’s involved, do you?” Burin asked.
I honestly wasn’t sure. “I can’t rule out the possibility,” I said. It was a valid point, especially considering what I suspected about Persephone. “I’m thinking of traveling to the Dreamlands and entering her dream to see if I can find out what’s wrong.”
“I’m going with you then,” Burin said. “In case you need backup.”
I looked at the others, to see if they wanted to come along. “I’ve spent years in my daughter’s head. I’m not sure I need to go back in there,” Terry said.
“I will keep an eye on you while you sleep,” Greta agreed.
I was about to ask Gregor if he wanted to come, but I could see Anastasia wasn’t okay with being left alone with Terry, Greta and the Coffin Man. Or, from her perspective, the crazed assassin, the monster and the grim reaper. So I didn’t even ask.
I used the connection from the mantle of the Black Rider to locate Burin. From there, I planned to use the connection between the two of them to find Emily. But something was blocking it. Strange. So we were forced to look for her the hard way.
Luckily, it wasn’t hard to find Emily’s dream. After all, I’m familiar with the Dreamlands now, I know the place like the back of my hand – hey, have I always had that mole on my pinkie? – and even in the strangeness of the Dreamlands, pastels stick out.
Yeah, you heard me. We went through the pastel yellow doorway and found ourselves in a meadow that was absolutely beautiful, aside from looking like something Easter threw up. Even the sky was a pastel blue with fluffy pink pastel clouds. They were shaped like bunnies.
I like cute things, but it was sickening.
We heard a giggle and looked at the source of the sound. About a hundred yards ahead of us, there was a corral next to a cottage. In the center of the corral was a small herd of ponies colored various pastel shades. Sitting on top of one – colored pastel pink with cherry red hair, and yes, I realize I’m using the word pastel a lot, but there’s no other way to get this across – was a young girl in a yellow sundress. Like, Peep yellow.
“Emily, is that you?” Burin called out.
The girl didn’t react, but the ponies turned towards us and stared, their faces fixed with rictus-like grins and unblinking eyes. Slowly, and in unison, they chewed the grass they were eating just once. The cherry pony began making its way towards the cottage and the others began heading towards us.
On the breeze, I could smell the inviting scent of breakfast wafting from the house, but that was quickly replaced with an acrid scent as the ponies – actually Nightmares, of course – breathed smoke at us.
In the smoke, Burin got bitten – of course he did – and I took a kick to my gut before Nebbie clawed at the nearest pony. Burin roared as he grew into an entirely too massive dragon and bit back. I then touched the power within. The magic created a glowing glyph of the Thassilonian symbol of wrath on the ground and threw back the ponies with a wave of force.
The ponies tried to attack, but Burin protected me and their attacks were useless against his thick hide. I was entirely done screwing around and reached my hands through the dreamstuff, ripping it asunder and calling out to the eldritch entities that live on the edge of terror. The ones Godmother had sat down for a conversation about never messing with me after one particular incident we won’t be talking about. Oh, and boy did they respond.
Tentacles emerged from numerous holes and began tearing ponies apart. Some of the ponies tried to flee, but Burin slammed two directly into the ground with his tail as I sent one into the airless ether and burned two more to a crisp with dream-enhanced flame.
I heard a sound from over at the cottage, and turned to see the cherry pony “clapping” with its front hooves as it stood on its hind legs. The girl was gone, likely having disappeared into the house.
Burin wasn’t having any of its smirk and charged, biting the pony with his massive jaws, tearing out a large chunk. The pony didn’t even notice. “So eager to join the feast, are you?” it asked sarcastically.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“My favorite little girl named me Scarlet,” the pony answered. Burin snapped at it, but the pony dodged. “Hold your horses. My mistress invites you enter, offering you sacred hospitality due to guests.”
I looked at my friend, then at the door. “Sorry, Burin won’t fit,” I said, weaving a magic spell and disintegrating the wall.
Inside the cabin was a girl, definitely Emily, coloring at a table. In the kitchen was a woman with crimson hair holding a different baby girl. “That wasn’t very nice,” the woman said, stirring her pot as the baby started crying. She turned around, and her face looked oddly like Persephone’s. But that definitely wasn’t Persephone. “Please, stay for breakfast,” she said.
I felt the pressure of her words as a command washing over me. I resisted it, but Burin immediately began stomping over to the table to have a meal. I stood defiant in the face of the demon’s will.
She tsked at me. “Come now, Daughter of the Runelord. Join us so we may get to know you better.” I felt her will upon me and this time couldn’t resist as my mind was filled with the most pornographic images to ever grace my mind.
I’ve been horny before. All the time. But this was different. I couldn’t stop thinking of all the things I wanted to do to this woman, and all the things I wanted her to do to me. I didn’t do what she told me, staying where I was, but I couldn’t wrest my thoughts back and was stuck where I was, the most lurid images filling my brain. I feel dirty even remembering them now.
And based on the power of her mind upon mine, I’m confident this was no normal demon we were dealing with. This was definitely a demon lord. And for her to be after Emily made no sense, unless… but how the hell was a demon lord allied with Typhon Lee?
“How many did we lose?” the woman asked Scarlet.
“Six, I think,” Scarlet answered. “One disappeared, so I don’t know what happened to her.”
“Find more,” the woman said. “And get some rope for our guests.” The thought of rope sent my mind in a whole new and horrifying direction.
Burin tried to grab Emily and run, but the woman made a disapproving sound. “Mister Burin, please put Emily down,” she said. He set her back down and plopped down on his tail at the table, unable to resist the power of her will.
The woman began setting plates on the table. “The last Burin – I’m surprised you managed to destroy Amgorath, by the way – and the daughter of the Runelord. What friends Guiser has made. You fascinate me. I almost admire that. How do you like your steaks?”
“I prefer shovels,” Burin answered, completely serious.
The woman twitched. Apparently Burin’s literal mind can affect demon lords as easily as it can me. “Rare it is.” She sighed. “Lyriana, why are you still standing there? Why do you fight so hard for a girl you barely know?” You may feel like you owe Guiser, but –“
“Wait!” Burin interjected. “Were you talking about meat? I thought you meant tools!” He was completely serious. He’s ALWAYS completely serious.
The woman twitched again. “Fix that chair you broke while I finish your food,” she told Burin.
“Where’s the hammer? I only have a shovel.”
“Scarlet, forget the other stuff for a moment and help Burin.” She turned back to me. “You may feel like you owe Guiser, but compared to you, he has no light in his heart. He’ll betray you like he betrayed my beloved Dragonlord. He destroys everything he touches.” She smirked. “He’d make a great demon, if I’m being honest.”
She set the food on the table and commanded Burin to eat. Literal minded as usual, he pulled food from his bag and began eating. I’m not sure if he was resisting or just being his normal idiotic self.
“I’m not sure what you did to Guiser’s beloved to keep her from continuing her transformation, but I will not give up on Emily. I will make her immortal. Leave her with me and I’ll make her wondrous.” Dammit. I knew something was going on with Persephone. We definitely needed to have a talk.
Emily looked at me and I saw her shudder as she recognized me. She stepped towards me. “Thank you, Miss Lyriana. You were the big sister I wanted, but I’m not worth it. I’m not a princess. I’m just me. Go, save the world and don’t worry about me anymore.”
My heart broke at her words and I began breaking free of the lurid thoughts filling my mind, but I struggled as they tried to reassert dominance. As I fought, I noticed something. The color of the grass had changed. No longer was it pastel, but a verdant, natural green. And that wasn’t the only thing that had changed.
Everything was now naturally colored save the cottage’s interior. I couldn’t really parse what that meant, as I was too busy fighting with the thoughts running rampant through my brain.
Suddenly, mashed potatoes struck the woman in the face. She blinked in disbelief as the baby in her arms laughed. She reached up and wiped the potatoes from her face. She looked incredulously at Scarlet, who looked absolutely different. No longer did she have the wounds from before, and no longer was she pastel.
She was a vibrant bubblegum pink – her mane and tail a darker, chewed bubblegum color – and was smiling genuinely. There were colorful balloons tattooed on her flank. “Do you need me to clean that?” Burin offered.
“Kill that horse,” the woman commanded.
“Right away,” Burin said. He reverted to his dragon form and bit at the pink pony. The pony dodged easily and struck him in the head with an amazing roundhouse kick.
The woman’s form shifted, revealing her true form – that of the demon lord Nocticula – and she waved her hand. All the silverware turned into force and flew towards the pony. She moved her front hoof, deflecting the energy easily. She then laughed and the ground beneath Nocticula’s feet turned into mashed potatoes, swallowing her up to just below her arms. The ground then turned into a solid potato.
Annoyed, Nocticula grew a pair of bat-like wings and she flew up out of the ground. She flew towards Emily and I reacted by creating a wall of force between the girl and the demon. As the demon slammed into the wall, that broke the spell on Emily. She screamed and teleported behind me, holding onto my leg.
“Glad to have you back, kid,” I said to her.
Time stopped and I couldn’t move. But somehow I could see it. Probably because it was the Dreamlands. “You think you’ve won?” Nocticula asked me. She turned to Emily, who was thankfully oblivious. “There’s nowhere to hide. You’ll never have a good night’s sleep. You’ll never be safe. And one day, when you realize what monsters your parents are, you’ll come back to my arms, little princess –“
The pony was gone and suddenly Godmother was next to Nocticula. She slammed her fist into the demon lord’s gut, knocking the wind from her. “You talk of thresholds?” Godmother said. “You talk of safety? THIS. IS. MY. HOUSE.” She delivered a roundhouse kick to Nocticula, sending her flying. To the demon lord’s credit, she cradled the baby, protecting her. “You’re the one not safe here.”
Nocticula stood as time resumed, wiping the blood from her lips. “You win this one for now. But there are so many children in the world. You can’t save them all.”
“Save them all?” Godmother scoffed. “I’m not here for anything so silly. I’m not here to pick a fight. But you interfered with those under my protection. Do not do so again, or I will end you.”
Nocticula looked like she was going to respond, but thought better of it and disappeared with the baby. “Who is that?” Emily asked, indicating Godmother.
“That’s my Godmother. Her name is Samantha and she lives here in the realm of dreams. As long as she’s here, you don’t have to fear anything in dreams.”
“Oh,” Emily said. “Are we not going to save Gabby?”
“Who is that?” I asked.
“I… don’t know.” She thought. “I thought she was my sister, but I don’t know who she really is. She’s just a baby.”
Godmother tousled Emily’s hair. “Sorry kiddo. I don’t know where Nocticula is. She left the Dreamlands.” She waved over at Burin, who was picking himself up off of the ground. “You coming?” she asked as she opened a portal.
“You hit really hard,” he noted.
“Sorry, you were a dragon. Had to hit you pretty hard.”
“It’s okay,” Burin said. “I can take it.”
We stepped through the portal and found ourselves in the space station my godmother had given me. “Wow, this place is cool!” Emily exclaimed.
“This is Lyriana’s place,” Godmother answered. “From now on, you’ll come here whenever you dream. You’ll always be safe here.”
Emily nodded and looked out at the stars. She began talking to herself. “Gabby, I will find you. I will save you.”
Behind me, I heard Godmother mutter in her best Liam Neeson impersonation, “And I will kill you.” I stifled a giggle. What? My parents love that movie.
After a moment, Emily turned to me. “Miss Lyriana, I don’t want to be a princess anymore. I want to be a hero.”
Burin turned to her. “Why not both?” he asked.
Suddenly the door burst open and half a dozen of the red skinned beings who crewed my space station rushed in. They were wearing sombreros and ponchos and one was playing the Mexican Hat Dance on his trumpet as they hoisted Burin on his shoulders, cheering as they did so. They began dancing out into the hallway, carrying off a protesting Burin.
Emily shot me an alarmed look. I smiled and shrugged, then held out my hands, willing a pair of maracas to appear in them. I gave them a shake and handed them to the girl. She laughed and began following them, playing along with the music.
I was left alone with Godmother. “Thanks,” I said.
“Of course,” she said. “Any time.”
“Is there anything we can do for her mother?” I asked.
“I’ll look into it, but no promises. She’s already pretty far gone, even if she’s halted the progression somehow. And that’s assuming we can get her back. She’s not in the Dreamlands.”
“I understand,” I said.
“If I can’t do it, you might try to ask your father’s bowling buddies if they can return her to normal.”
Wait. What? “Daddy bowls?!” That was the lamest thing I’d ever heard.
“He owns a bowling alley in Wisconsin,” she answered. “It’s just there so he can hang out with those two guys he met in the land of the dead. Your god said they can visit as long as they pretend to be normal people and not interfere while they’re there.”
That just left a number of other questions. “Who are they?” I asked.
“Just a drunk and a dwarf. But I repeat myself.” She laughed at her own joke. “They’re alright. Your aunt likes them, so I’ll be nice.”
I still couldn’t get over the fact that Daddy bowled. “Is he any good?” I asked.
“He has a one eighty eight average,” she said. “Anyway, time for you to wake up. I’m sure your friend’s worried about his daughter. Oh, and don’t worry about Nocticula. She’s very shortly about to have a very bad day. And the people who are going to inflict it on her don’t even know they’re going to do it.”
I woke suddenly and went out to the main room. As I walked in, there was a commotion from the table. “THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE!” Gregor said angrily. “HOW DO YOU HAVE SUCH CARDS?!”
Terry and Anastasia were laughing and even Greta seemed amused as the Coffin Man smirked. So much for being worried. I guess they had faith that Burin and I would be able to handle it. They had to have.
I’m sure they wouldn’t have been playing Uno otherwise.