“I’ve decided to keep the pig,” Terry declared to us.
“Are you sure?” Burin asked. “A pet is a lot of responsibility.”
“I’m responsible! I raised two kids… I mean, goats. Yeah. I lived on a farm and was responsible for the livestock.”
“Don’t you hate goats?” I asked.
“And that’s why. I know them, man. I know goats. They’re always plotting things. But there’s nothing wrong with pigs. Pigs are just the best.” She returned to cooing at Bekkin.
Burin gave Gregor and me concerned looks. Gregor just shrugged in return. “What about what pig thinks?” Gregor asked.
Oh, right, that was a thing we could actually find out. “Nebbie, would you be a dear and ask Bekkin what he wants?”
“Of course, kitten,” the cat replied. She bounded down and walked over to the pig. They conversed for a moment. “He wants to stay near the one who feeds him cake.” Ah, right.
“See? He loves me,” Terry said.
“Okay,” Burin said. “But you’re going to be responsible for it.” Despite his gruff, dubious reaction to her desire for the pet, he immediately got to work helping her make a harness out of rope to hold a leash for the pig.
At that moment, he reminded me a lot of Mama, actually. She’s always felt like she should say no in order to instill me with discipline, but the second the decision was made to allow me to do something, she was right there to help. I miss her. Hope she’s okay.
Gregor heard some kind of noise coming from down the passageway, and motioned for us to be quiet. Burin, of course, walked over and shouted, “Hello!” I think Gregor’s getting an indentation in his forehead from his repeated facepalms. The sound, which I’d only heard after it was pointed out, stopped. “If we come out, will you agree to not fight?” Burin called. It was obvious he was still feeling bad about the ettin.
A voice answered from the hallway. “Hey, you idiots! We have intruders here! I’m gonna need your help to kill them!” From around the corner, I could see some movement and the end of a massive weapon. Gregor charged, striking the giant several times.
Burin sighed as he marched over. “We could have avoided this. I’m very disappointed in you.” I lobbed a fireball over his head. I couldn’t see the giant, but I didn’t need to. As long as I saw my friends, I could make the blast miss them, then it could hit anything else that was within range.
The enemy – a frost giant if I had to guess based on the sound of his voice – screamed in pain. Then Terry ran up – dragging the piglet behind her – and shot the giant in the face. I heard a thud as he fell. She turned to Bekkin and gave him a serious look. “I hope you’re paying attention, because that’s what will happen to you if you disobey me.”
Burin called out. “Watch out. There are more of those same demons we saw back at the camp coming down the tunnel.”
Andrazkus? Crap. I immediately cast a defensive spell and six illusory images of me appeared next to me. No way was I going to be unprepared if they charged me.
Gregor dove down the hall – the giant was in the way, but I couldn’t see it at the time – and I heard the sound of fighting. Burin followed after him, then Terry. Finally, I followed and discovered that I’d have to get pretty close to not have that big corpse blocking my sight of the enemies.
Screw that. Force bolts didn’t need me to be able to aim very well. No, I was all about just letting the blasts fly.
Which meant that there was only one girl nearby for the demons to attack. So Terry got bitten by one that broke away from Gregor and Burin. I pulled out the healing wand and moved to assist, since it sounded like her wound was pretty nasty. I arrived just as the boys finished the final demon off.
Climbing over a giant’s corpse in a cramped hallway is more difficult than it sounds.
Once Terry was on the mend, I could focus more on my surroundings. It smelled awful. There was a mixture of scorched giant hair coming from behind us and the stench of urine coming from the corridor ahead. It was so bad that Burin pulled out a rag, poured water over it and then used it to cover his mouth and nose in an attempt to mask the smell. I really wished I didn’t have to breathe at that moment.
Once Gregor finished skinning the giant, we moved forward, towards the smell of urine. I really hoped it would be worth it.
The stench was overwhelming, and the sight was worse. Demonic runes written in blood covered the walls, and there were a number of signs that this was some kind of base camp, only the enemy didn’t have Burin there to dig sanitary latrines for them.
On one of the tables, we found a small chest and a rough carved map. As best we could tell, the map was of Artrosa, and had been scratched into the wood methodically as Vsevolod had explored the place. Terry immediately set to work trying to open the chest, and got pricked by a likely poisoned needle for her efforts. She didn’t seem to suffer any effects, so it’s possible that the poison was a short term one and had already denatured in the air.
Annoyed, Terry picked up some sausage from the table and immediately fed it to Bekkin. Gregor, Burin and I exchanged a glance but decided not to mention to the girl that she’d probably just fed the pig some pork. She didn’t seem to be in the best state, and I know I didn’t want to push it.
Burin ended up opening the chest with his axe. Inside, we found a bunch of climbing equipment and even a few magical items that one could use to scale a cliff. It was likely that this stuff was how the centaur and his giants had managed to get up here.
Using the map, we opted to take the path that Vsevolod hadn’t explored, and quickly came to a dead end marked with a stone arch. On a hunch, we checked the arch for magic. Sure enough, it was a teleportation device. Likely it led to another point in the dungeon, but we couldn’t be sure it wasn’t one way, so we decided to come back to it later.
We took the other corridor, back beyond the dead giant. There was a door blocking the way, which Terry opened with a key. “Where did you get that?” I asked.
“Floor,” Terry said nonchalantly. Either she was lying or she’d really found the key we needed randomly on the floor. I wasn’t sure which would be more worrisome. Why would she lie? But would that mean we were being watched?
Suddenly, I heard the sound of a pan flute. The other three began walking forward immediately, almost as if they were compelled to do so. I followed, carefully keeping an eye on them to see what they would do.
The others marched straight into a room that was like a swamp. I could smell the fungus and mold from where I was, still in the hallway. From the shadows, I saw the edges of a large plant, and past it was a satyr who looked to be demonic.
That explained why I was unaffected. Satyrs can ensorcell others into a compulsion to do something that seems reasonable to them using the sound of their pipes. But I had a wayfinder clipped to my belt which resonated with the internal ioun stone to protect me from charms and compulsions from evil creatures. I’m pretty sure a demonic satyr would count as an evil creature.
I crept further forward and recognized the plant as a tendriculos, a terrible carnivorous plant that’s almost like a cross between a plant, an animal and a fungus. They’re not to be messed with and I was almost certain it would try to eat Burin, considering our track record.
Burin marched right up to the plant. “Are we going to have to fight?” he asked, his face pained.
“You could always just lay down and die, I guess,” the satyr responded. “I need to sacrifice seventeen more people to get free of here.”
Gregor did a flying leap off the ledge where we entered the room, charging directly at the satyr. As he passed, he shouted, “I’ll get the little one!” and flashed Burin a double “thumbs up”. As he passed the dwarf, his look turned to one of horror. “WHY DON’T YOU HAVE A WEAPON OUT?!” he shrieked as he turned and struck the satyr.
Terry took a shot at the giant plant as Burin engaged it. I got close enough to see where everyone was and launched a fireball. I could see that the plant was indeed trying to bite the dwarf, to no one’s surprise. Is he a particularly tasty dwarf or something? Is that why everything tries to eat him?
My fireball got the satyr’s attention. “Oh my, what do we have here?” he asked, his grin lecherous. In fact, he reminded me a bit of that dwarf, Pop. “I’ll be back for you, sweet tits!” he shouted before trying to run.
He got in about one and a half steps before Gregor punched him in the back of the head, sending him flying. He made a ridiculous bleating sound as he hit the wall.
The plant died with its jaws – or whatever you’d call the mouth part of a plant – a few inches from Burin. It was drooling on him. Eww.
“I vote we kill the goat man,” Terry said.
“We should see if he has any information,” Burin disagreed. “Maybe we can trade him his life for some info that can save ours.”
“His magic is strong. If we decide to wake him, we should restrain him,” Gregor suggested.
“Even tied up, he can use magic to influence people,” I said. “You all should be where he can’t see you. Let me talk to him.”
“That’s a good point,” Burin said. “But wouldn’t it be dangerous to everyone if he charms you?”
“Unless he’s stronger than he appears, he can’t get me with magic. I’m immune to the charms of satyrs. And even if that wasn’t the case, this will protect me,” I said, tapping my wayfinder.
“He’ll require some threatening,” Terry said. “Can you be scary enough?”
“I don’t think that’ll be necessary.” I had other tools at my disposal. He had already shown an interest. It wouldn’t take much to have him wrapped around my finger. I don’t like using my looks to get what I want, unless what I want is sex, in which case that’s what they’re for. I’m not that bitch, Becky. Miss “I can’t tell an asymptote from a hole in the ground, yet I have the highest grade in calculus because I constantly flash my cleavage at Mr. Calvin”.
I barely pulled off a B in calculus, much to Daddy’s consternation. And I’m definitely hotter than Becky, so you know I didn’t try to use it to improve my grade. Also, I suspect she may have been sleeping with him, but I don’t have any proof of that, so we’ll stick to the flirting, which I saw with my own eyes.
Anyway, back on topic. I don’t like using my looks to get things, but I was willing to make an exception here, since it was a potential life or death matter, as Burin had pointed out. The information we gained could keep us alive. That was easily enough to override my personal distaste.
That isn’t to say I’m out of practice. Sometimes you just gotta flirt for the fun of flirting. It would take a few moments to get ready, which I did while the others tied the satyr to the corpse of the plant. They then positioned themselves on the far side of the plant, out of sight.
Meanwhile, I adjusted my clothes to show a bit more cleavage and thigh, cleaned up my hair and put on a bit of lipstick. Once I was convinced I was ready, I tapped the satyr with my healing wand to start waking him.
“What’s going on?” he asked, groggy.
“Sorry for tying you up,” I said slowly and deliberately, imparting a sultry tone to my words. “But I prefer to have handsome men like you in my control when it’s time to play, you know?” I ran my finger softly across his bare, hairy chest.
“What happened to the others?” he asked.
“I sent them off scouting, so I could have you all to myself,” I whispered into his ear. He shivered at the feel of my breath on his skin. I stepped back and took a long, pointed look at his loincloth, making sure he saw me doing it.
“You can take that off, if you want a better look,” he said, visibly shaking with lust.
“I prefer to savor the anticipation,” I said, licking my lips. “It feels SO much better if you take your time. Don’t you agree?”
“Yes, of course!” he said, panting.
“I knew you’d understand!” I giggled, hugging his tied arm and pressing my breasts against his slightly doughy bicep. Ugh. “But I do worry that we’ll get interrupted. Will Artrosa’s guardians bother us here?” I asked, once more whispering to him.
“No. They mostly leave me alone. We might have to worry about that centaur though.”
“Centaur!” I gasped. “Oh my. Those brutes terrify me. You’ll keep me safe, won’t you?” I hugged his arm tighter. I was going to need to clean myself as soon as I was done here. It’s not that he wasn’t handsome, but there was something gross about him. I just had to remind myself that it could save our lives.
“Of course, beautiful. You don’t have to worry about a thing as long as I’m with you,” he said. “Though you may have to untie me.”
“Don’t worry about that. I’ve got the ropes tied up just right so that if I pull the correct knot, they’ll come right off. But I don’t want to take them off until after we’ve had our fun.” I ran my hand down his back, stopping just above his loincloth. “But I am still worried about this centaur. What can you tell me about him?”
“I don’t know much. He had several demons and a couple giants with him. I think he’s a guest of one of the hags that lives here.”
“Hags? Oh dear. I knew a hag. She taught me my witchcraft,” I lied. “But she was always getting between me and the cute boys in the village. You don’t think one of them will bother us?”
“No, like I said, they usually leave me alone.”
“Well I guess it’s okay, but I do worry. I wouldn’t want to find myself surrounded by twenty nagging old hags right when things are getting good.”
“Oh, don’t worry, there aren’t nearly that many. Less than a dozen, I think.”
I heard Burin whisper in my ear using magic, “He’s been helpful, we should let him go.”
I wasn’t done yet. There was still information to be had. “I was hoping that maybe later I could convince you to run away with me, but you said you needed to sacrifice seventeen more people to leave. Why’s that?”
“The curse. Baba Yaga got mad at me for seducing this nymph, so she bound me here until I could buy my freedom with the blood of intruders.”
“Oh heavens! What a horrible woman! Maybe I could help you lure some more people here to help you get free?”
“Ooh, that would be great! Especially if they were nice, nubile young women we could enjoy together. Stupid girls are always getting into fights with their parents and coming here to learn witchcraft. Barely old enough to be worth it, but that’s half the fun. So I use my magic and have my fun with them, then sacrifice them later, when I get bored of them. But you don’t care, do you? I already used my magic on you, so you’re head over heels in love with me and you’ll do anything I want, won’t you?”
I pulled away. “Yeah, I think I’m done here.”
“What?! You’re supposed to be under my spell.”
“Unfortunately for you, you were too busy looking at my chest to notice that I’m not exactly human. Your spell won’t work on me. Sorry Burin, but I don’t think we can let this one go.”
“That’s the first sensible thing I’ve heard all day!” Terry said, suddenly appearing from the other side of the plant. She hit the satyr in the face with the butt of her rifle, then shot him in the face. Twice. Because you can’t be sure something’s dead unless you’ve actually separated the top of the skull from the body, I guess.
I was covered in blood and gore. “I’m going to need a long bath when we get a chance,” I said, but contented myself to use magic for the moment. Technically it was more thorough than any washing short of scrubbing off one’s own skin, but I think that’s exactly what I needed right now.
But we’d learned some things. I just hoped the information was worth it.
Next time, someone else would have to seduce our enemy for information. Maybe Burin. Because at least that would be funny.
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