We appeared on my parents’ patio, managing to arrive on our feet. “What the hell was all of that?!” Kira asked in a whisper shout through the speaker.
“I’m not sure,” I said. “But I’m guessing someone heard something we had tried to hide and called in reinforcements for some reason.”
“So we rate a military response? Because that didn’t look like just the FBI.”
“Have we done something wrong?” Aurora asked.
“Not that I know of, though I do suspect that the government will have more than a few questions about where I’ve been since it has been national news. But I would think that would have warranted a Mulder and Scully, not an entire armored platoon.”
“We should probably knock before someone gets suspicious,” Kira pointed out.
She had a point. I knocked. “Pardon me,” I said in my British voice, in case someone who wasn’t a member of the family was inside, “but our motorcar seems to have broken down a couple miles back, and my cellular phone doesn’t seem to be getting any reception out here. Could we trouble you for use of your telephone and perhaps a glass of water?”
I could see someone peering through the peephole, then the door opened a crack. My brother, Kenneth, stood there in the uniform of a local sheriff’s deputee. His long mop of hair had been cut short and I still had several inches of height on him. I gave him a beatific smile, then he peeked out, making sure it was just the two of us. “Yeah, sure. Come on in.”
We walked in and Kenneth shut the door behind us. We’d made it no more than three steps before I heard a voice. “Keep your hands where I can see them and no sudden moves!” I turned my head slowly and saw Molly standing there, a gun in hand and looking very much like she was cosplaying as Dana Scully, hilariously. Another glance revealed that Kenneth had his gun out and trained on Aurora.
“Now, this is certainly not how I had expected this to go.”
“Tell me about it,” Kira responded.
“A radio?!” Molly said. “Who do you work for?”
“Work for? Dear girl, I believe you have made a dire mistake. Lower the gun or I will become most cross with you.”
“I am the one in charge here! Look. I don’t know how you got past the agents watching the perimeter, but this is as far as you go. Now you can either leave here in cuffs, or you leave in a body bag. Understand?”
Before I could answer, a child of three suddenly ran into the room, dragging a teddy bear behind him. “Aunt Molly! Percival wants ice cream!” he shouted with glee in the way only small children can.
“Maggie! I told you to keep him in the other room where it was safe!” Molly shouted angrily.
“Sorry!” a young woman with long hair in the same O’Halloran color said as she rushed out and snatched up the child. As I got a better look, I noticed that she was wearing a Playstation t-shirt. The boy screamed in annoyance, flinging his teddy bear randomly.
I grabbed the bear out of the air and looked at it. It was just as I remembered. “Pashibaru, old bean, I asked you to watch over everyone, but when I get back I find you lying around on the job, asking for ice cream. Just what am I going to do with you?”
He didn’t answer. He never does.
“Put the bear down!” Molly ordered.
I was finally annoyed. “Lower your guns, you idiots,” I said, my voice normal. “I come from halfway across the galaxy to see everyone, and all you can do is point guns at me? I guess on the upside, at least Mike isn’t here.”
“You aren’t going to fool me, wizard!” Molly shouted.
What. She knew I was a wizard? How?
I was answered when she began casting a cantrip, one that would reveal magical auras. She almost dropped the gun when she was done. “Holy crap! I’ve never seen so much magic in one place! They’re glowing like a Christmas tree!”
“Do we shoot them?!” Kenneth said, his voice showing the strain of nerves.
“Aurora,” I said softly.
“Understood,” my wife replied as she stepped into Kenneth, disarming him and driving him to the ground in a single motion.
Meanwhile, I flicked my wrist and the magic rod I’d taken from Karzoug appeared in my hand. Instantly, I used it to quick-cast a spell, causing every one of Molly’s non-autonomous muscles to lock up, preventing her from firing or even moving.
I pulled the gun from her hands, popped out the clip and ejected the chambered round. “I don’t have time for this,” I said, reaching up and pulling the ribbon from my hair and undoing the disguise in the process. “Maggie, if you can be good, I won’t be forced to cuff you too,” I said as I restrained Molly’s hands with a zip tie taken from Kenneth’s belt.
“Is it really you?” my youngest sister asked, her face showing shock and disbelief.
“Yes. I came here immediately after Dad told me that Katie was ill. I think I can help. So just sit tight and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“I’ll keep an eye on them,” Aurora said. “Go take care of your sister.”
“I’m going with you,” Maggie said.
I shrugged. “As long as you promise to behave.” I went to Katie’s room and felt myself hesitating as I reached for the door. “Why is she here?” I asked my youngest sister.
“The hospitals aren’t safe, and at least here she has me, mom and dad to take care of her. Ken lives nearby and Molly can visit often.”
“What about the kid’s dad?”
“He’s in the military and was deployed. Things have been crazy since you’ve been gone.”
“Yeah, I’ve been getting that feeling. Let’s get this over with.” I opened the door, and what I saw physically hurt.
Katie, my long time protector and absolute hero, looked frail and broken by her illness. Even seeing her like that caused the child in Maggie’s arms to start crying. And I couldn’t blame him. I wanted to cry too.
“That bad?” Katie asked me, her voice quavering with exhaustion.
“I’ve seen worse,” I lied.
“I’m glad you made it, before the end.”
“Don’t talk like that,” I said. “You’re going to be fine.”
“You always were a poor liar,” she said, the soft laugh causing her to cough, blood spattering her hand. “It would take a miracle, and the world doesn’t have those anymore.”
“They just weren’t fashionable,” I said. “But you know me, I’ve never been one to follow fashion. Now rest. I’m here to make you better.” I began casting a spell, summoning forth a tall being with white-feathered wings who glowed with an awe-inspiring inner radiance.
“Kyle!” Maggie exclaimed. “Is that…”
“An angel, yes. His time here is limited, though.” I indicated Katie, who had been struck speechless by the celestial’s presence. “She is very ill, can you heal her illness and undo the damage it has caused?” I asked.
The angel studied her and then nodded. “I can and will.” He cast his first spell and Katie instantly looked like the pain she was in had ended. He then cast again, undoing the damage the ravages of the radiation had caused.
“Thank you,” I said to the summoned creature. “That was all I needed. I do not wish to keep you from your duties any further.”
The angel nodded and then was gone. “Did that really happen?” Maggie asked as I helped Katie sit up.
“Does it matter?” I replied. “All that really matters is that Katie is well. Also, I probably violated a few rules letting anyone else see that. So pretend like you didn’t.”
Katie reached out and took her son from Maggie. “Thank you,” she told me. “But I’m surprised Molly let you waltz in here and cast any magic.”
“She didn’t,” Maggie said. “Kyle and his wife kinda beat her and Ken up and hogtied them.”
Katie hit me on the shoulder. “Kyle!”
“Molly started it!” Kira protested over the speaker in my defense.
“Wait, is that your wife?”
“Eww!” Kira responded.
“That’s… a long story,” I said. “Let’s just say for now that I’m not the only one of your siblings coming home today. I don’t want to have to repeat the story too many times, so let’s at least go let the others know that you’re okay so I can explain it all at once.”
We returned to the living room to find Molly demanding that Aurora release her and Ken sporting a visible bruise from where he hit the ground when Aurora had taken him down earlier. “What’s going on here?” Katie, who I only at that moment realized was wearing a Snuggie, asked.
Both Kenneth and Molly looked at her in shock. “Wait, did he really help you?” Kenneth ended up asking. “Does that mean he really is…?” He stared at me in amazement.
“I am, whatever you say I am,” I sang at him. “If I wasn’t, then why would I say I am? In the paper, the news everyday I am. I don’t know, it’s just the way I am.”
Katie laughed. “Answering with a random song? Definitely Kyle.” She looked at me. “Do we really need to keep them tied up? I think they’ve learned their lesson.”
“If they’re willing to behave, I don’t mind. But be warned, both of you, that I used my last paralysis spell I had prepared, so if you try pulling a gun on me or Aurora again, I may be forced to use something a bit more painful.”
“Katie’s up and looking better,” Molly said. “I still don’t know if I can believe that you are who you claim to be, but that’s enough for me to be willing to listen to what you have to say. But the first thing I want to hear is how you made her better.”
“Oh my god!” Maggie exclaimed as the awe had finally finished washing over her. “I wish you had seen it! There was an angel! He did some kind of spell or whatever, and then there was an angel there, and it healed Katie!”
So much for keeping quiet about the angel thing. Hopefully Essielle wouldn’t be too angry with me for that one. “I’ve never heard of someone being able to summon something that powerful,” Molly said.
“Yeah, about that,” I said. “We’re going to need to talk about how you know anything about magic, since I thought Earth didn’t have any, but first things first. I want to introduce you to the three lovely ladies with me.”
“Three?” Katie asked.
“You’ll see. First is Aurora, my amazing wife.” I then introduced Aurora to all of my siblings.
“So, when’s the baby due?” Maggie joked.
Aurora’s eyes went wide. “I-Is it obvious already?” she asked, looking at her stomach.
“Wait, you really are?” Maggie said before smacking me on the shoulder. “I knew you’d knock up some girl and then get her to marry you.”
“Nope,” I said. “You got the order wrong. She insisted we wait.”
“You got Kyle to wait?” Katie asked. “What are you, some kind of angel?”
Aurora, who was clearly flustered and worried about making a good impression on my family, stumbled over her words, trying to find a way to answer. I put my arm around her. “She didn’t mean it literally, but you might as well go ahead and show them.”
“Show us what?” Molly asked, suspicious. Aurora materialized her wings, her skin glinting like steel. “Holy crap! Kyle! What the hell?”
I laughed. “That’s enough, dear. They get the point and I’m sure they’re going to have a million questions later. But it’s time to introduce the other two.” I paused for dramatic effect. “Juiz, please say hello.”
“Greetings. To answer all immediate questions, I am an Artificial Intelligence created using adapted alien technology. My ‘brain’, as you’d understand it, is a specially designed quantum ‘Blue Box’.”
“I’m afraid to ask, but who created you?” Kenneth asked.
“I was created by Kyle O’Halloran to assist him in his fight with the Runelord Karzoug.”
I cut them off before they could ask. “Hold off on anything about Karzoug for now. That’s a very long story.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Juiz,” Katie said, preventing the others from asking other questions for the moment.
“Likewise,” Juiz said.
“She’s so polite,” Maggie said. “You sure you created her?”
I stuck out my tongue. “Anyway, there’s one more person for you to meet. And there’s a reason why she’s the last one. I needed you to meet Aurora and Juiz because the strangeness of their existence is probably going to be a lot less shocking to you than meeting the final person here.”
“Kyle, I don’t know,” Kira said in our mind. “Should I really meet them? I mean, what if they don’t like me?”
“You’ll be fine,” I said aloud, drawing a few strange glances from the rest of the room. “Okay, so how many of you know about my twin sister?” I asked.
“Your what now?” Maggie asked.
“You mean Kira?” Katie asked. “I know only that you had a twin that died in childbirth, but Mom and Dad hadn’t told me much else.” I could see by the looks on the others’ faces that they hadn’t heard anything about it.
“Right. Well, it turns out that her body died just before we were born, but her soul kinda… hitched a ride in my body. She was sleeping, more or less, but started waking up when the stress of everything we were going through started.”
“You sure you weren’t just going crazy?” Kenneth quipped.
“I thought I was, then I died and she was there with me in the afterlife.”
“Now I know that you’re nuts.”
I gave him a look. “Angel wife. AI created using stolen alien technology.” We weren’t going to even go into discussions about Samantha today. This was already hard enough.
“Okay, fair point. But you died?”
“I got better,” I said in my best attempt at a Monty Python impression. “Anyway, Kira, say hello. Or actually, maybe I have a better idea.” I had a thought. “Want to switch?” I subvocalized.
“You think that’d be okay?” she asked on the speaker.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine. Also, you said that one out loud.”
“Crap!”
“I’m going to cast a spell,” I told the others. “It lets Kira take control of my body temporarily. Give me just a sec.”
“Hi,” Kira said, speaking from the mouth of our now female body. “I’m, um, your sister, I guess.”
The next few minutes were emotional. Everyone was crying and hugging. Except for Juiz, but you know, everyone with emotions. All in all, it was a bit weird to watch. And I was pretty sure it was just a preview of how this would go when I introduced her to our parents.
Once we’d switched back and everyone was finished wiping eyes and blowing noses, Molly cleared her throat. “Kyle, I need to bring you in,” she said. “If you come in with me, I think I can convince everyone that you’re genuinely not the wizard behind everything.”
“You think a wizard is at fault for everything?” I asked. I mean, that had been one of the theories I’d seen on the gamer board, but I’d dismissed it almost reflexively. Kind of hypocritical more than a little stupid for a wizard to assume there was no way there was a wizard behind everything, now that I think about it.
“Yes. Our agents have found plenty of evidence to suggest it, but we haven’t been able to find him or her yet.”
“Alright, well, I’m happy to try to help find whoever is responsible. I have a particular set of skills that should make me a nightmare for someone like that.” Also, I had a burning curiosity as to who might have that kind of magic on a planet where I thought none existed. “Maybe I can do it in exchange for fast-tracking Aurora’s immigration status so I don’t have to hack into any governmental databases.”
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. We should get going before the satellites detect you and a response team is dispatched.”
“You have satellites that can detect magic?!” Things were way different on Earth than I’d suspected.
“Yeah. They aren’t terribly sensitive, so you normally have to zoom in and focus on a narrow area. But with the amount of magic you’re carrying, I’d bet you’d bee a lot easier to spot. Let me just make a phone call so my boss knows you’re back and coming in with me and we can… huh.” She was staring at her phone.
“‘Huh?’”
“I’m not getting any signal.”
I had a really bad feeling. “Aurora, armor up!” I shouted as I quickly cast a spell, creating a wall of force next to the house’s outer wall. Aurora spoke the word of power, and adamantine plates folded out from her pendant, becoming armor once more.
I heard windows shatter in several parts of the house, but the wall of force blocked entry – and possibly tear gas – with several angry voices shouting in surprise as they hit the nearly invisible wall. As they did so, I pulled out the portable hole and unleashed the robotic armor. “Prioritizing protection of civilians,” Juiz said as she took control of the suit.
“We have the house surrounded!” a woman’s voice said over a megaphone. “Wizard, come out with your hands up or we will use deadly force!”
“Is this one of those response teams you talked about?” I asked my sister.
“Yes, probably.”
“Juiz,” I said, “can you cut through their jamming so that Molly can make a call out?”
“I will require a large antenna.”
“Will the house’s electrical wiring do?” It’s a trick I learned from TV, okay?
“Affirmative.”
“Get to it. I’ll buy us some time.” I cast another spell, allowing me to project my voice without a megaphone. “Am I being detained? I’m a sovereign citizen and this is private property! As pursuant to the Articles of Confederation, I am allowed to freely travel without restraint by any force of the state or federal governments!”
Kenneth’s eyes went wide. “Are you insane?!” I winked at him.
“That doesn’t even make sense!” the voice on the megaphone yelled back.
“No, what doesn’t make sense is for there to be some sort of task force that would use preemptive force against a US citizen just because they happen to have magic! I don’t recall reading about an amendment that supersedes the Fourth! I demand to speak to a lawyer, my congress member and my senator! Also, while you’re making phone calls, you should let the media know too. The people have a right to know what their tax dollars are funding!”
I took a look outside, and sure enough, it looked like the same military force that had swarmed that intersection. They must have been flooring it to get here so quickly. Pretty good operational discipline to be able to get everything set up before any of us noticed, though.
“You don’t get to make the rules here, no matter who you’ve taken as hostages!”
Hostages?! “Lady, you’ve got it way wrong! The people here are hostages to you if anyone. I was simply visiting my family! You’re the one who busted in with guns ablaze!”
“You expect us to believe that?! Look, maybe we can try, but you’re going to need to come out here and surrender.”
“Kyle,” Molly said. “I told my boss about you and she’s agreed to hear us out, but you have to surrender. As soon as the jamming is down, she’ll tell Agent Lopez about it.”
I still didn’t trust the woman outside, but if Molly thought it was best… “I’m coming out!” I opened the door and stepped out, hands in the air. I made it two paces before someone opened fire and I was torn apart by the extreme overkill of a thousand bullets.
Thank God I’d sent an illusion out first.
“Tell your boss what just happened,” I said to Molly. “Let her know that I’m pissed off and will be coming in on my own terms only. And tell her I’m sorry for any concussions any of her agents suffer.”
“Kyle, don’t!”
“If those bullets had pierced the force wall, they could have hit any one of you. I will not allow anyone to take endanger my family without reprisal. Don’t worry, no one’s going to die, but I want them to understand that some things just aren’t okay.”
“What do you want me to do?” Aurora asked.
“If anyone makes it in here, cut them down.”
“You can’t go alone.”
“I’m not. Juiz, take the pizzicato and switch to the rubber bullets, then use those to lay down suppressing fire. Don’t let anyone rush the house.”
“Shall I use the antenna to project some kind of music to all of their radios?” Juiz asked.
“Track eighty seven,” I said with a grin. I then cast a spell, conjuring up five Bralanis. “The people outside are not bad people,” I told the outsiders. “But they are misinformed and thus a danger to other good people. I need you to neutralize them without killing them. Be careful of the flying machines, they will crash and explode without a pilot.”
The celestials nodded and shifted into their gaseous forms before rushing out to begin the fight.
I began singing along with the music as I teleported outside.
Women to the left of me
Women to the right
Ain’t got no gun
got no knife
Don’t you start no fight
‘Cause I’m
T.N.T.
I’m dynamite
T.N.T.
And I’ll win the fight
There were six of us outside versus at least three dozen government agents, and the agents never stood a chance. The only thing that even slowed us down was the fact that the Bralanis needed to force the pilots to land – also, for the record, those were Comanches! What the hell kind of danger did they think I was?! – before knocking them out.
I shut off the jamming devices and headed back inside. My sister handed me her phone. “She wants to talk to you.”
“Hello,” I said into the phone.
“That wasn’t necessary.”
“Oh, but it was. I tested the waters and sent out an illusion. They immediately shot it. I needed to show them that was an error.”
“It’s going to complicate things. There are people who think all unregistered wizards should be shot on sight to try to stop things from getting worse.”
“I understand that you seem to think that I’m behind everything bad that’s happened in the last decade, but you’re mistaken. I’ve been on another planet the whole time. I definitely want to talk, and if there’s a wizard behind everything, I’m uniquely suited to helping you stop him. I have experience with that kind of thing. But you’ll have to understand that I’m a little hesitant to just come in at the moment.”
“If you can prove that you were gone, it should help alleviate a lot of fears on our end.”
“I could take a team picked by you with me to the planet I was on. They could talk to anyone I know there if that will help. Though… I guess there’s another way to prove I’ve been off planet that won’t require we go halfway across the galaxy. And you’ll be able to confirm with absolute certainty that we’re off world. But it’ll take a bit of effort on your part.”
“I’m willing to listen. What will we need to do?”
“Contact NASA. Ask them how many space suits they’re willing to loan you.”
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