As we said a few words of prayer for Twilight Sparkle and Spike – now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d utter – we were approached by one of Morgiv’s scouts. She informed us that they had located another ring. This one was in the lair of the blue dragon, Ghlorofaex. Yeah, sure, what was one more dragon? That’d make our day just swell.
I wasn’t in the mood for any kind of real fight with the dragon. In hopes that we could win the fight before it began, I had the scout draw us out a map of the dragon’s lair. It was crude and fairly basic, but it told me what I needed to know. “Is there a way to get there undetected?” I asked.
“We have a tunnel that opens close enough that you should be able to avoid being spotted by anything outside.”
Sounded good. Just one more thing. “Does the dragon know about this tunnel here?” I indicated a back way into the lair.
“We believe so. It is easily visible from within.”
I nodded my understanding and then I laid out my plan to the others. “If we do this right, the dragon won’t know what hit it.” It had its flaws, of course. And it could go terribly wrong if the timing wasn’t perfect, but it was our best option. Still didn’t like using Aurora as bait, but if anyone could take it and remain focused, it was her. And she’d have Lenn and Geo with her. I had to trust in her competence, and that of those with her.
If they let her get hurt, they had better hope that the dragon got them too.
We moved to the front entrance, where I set up several charges of semtex. Well, not semtex. I’d had a flash of insight and managed to make an even more powerful explosive. I just hadn’t named it yet. I’d get around to it.
After that, we tested our radios. Once certain they were good to go, those of us on Team Back Door wished Team Big Shiny Distraction good luck. Yeah, the names needed work. It had been a long day.
As we neared the back entrance, I spotted a magical alarm, which was easy enough to dispel. I radioed Aurora and gave the signal. Then Paulie cast a spell upon a stone and all the sound stopped. We moved quickly, getting there in time to see our distraction engaging the dragon.
I unfolded the portable hole and we pulled out the toy stored within. I had made it in case we ran across a sky full of kuchrima. But this was also a great use.
Once it was in position, I set off the explosives at the front door and Paulie tossed away the stone. Then I spoke the magic word, unshrinking the Capriccio, a massive, siege-level thirteen-barreled Vulcan cannon capable of firing over twenty thousand rounds per minute using principles I had discovered while working out the kinks in my miniature fusion reactor and frictionless materials to boot.
It was so large that the recoil would be too much for me to control, despite numerous counterbalances. I wasn’t even sure if Aurora was strong enough to handle it. Lenn would have no trouble, but I was worried he’d try to use the gun as a bludgeon. Which meant Lenntu was the guy.
The dragon heard me speak, in spite of the explosion, and whipped its head around to look at us. Juiz had the railgun trained, Paulie had an enchanted dragonslaying arrow nocked, and Lenntu was in position. I raised Aurora’s gun and took aim, smirking at the dragon.
“You understand now, don’t you,” I said. It wasn’t a question. “It’s not about what you heard. It’s about what you’re hearing. Yeah, it’s about what you’re hearing.” Paulie cast another silence upon the gun – it was going to be VERY loud – and we fired. And from just out of the radius of the silence, I sang.
First we gonna rock, then we gonna roll
Then we let it pop, go, let it go!
X gon’ give it to ya, he gon’ give it to ya
The dragon, seeing the new threat, immediately reacted and swooped at us, straight at Lenntu as the largest obvious threat. In his defense, that normally would have been a great reaction. But that would have been if we didn’t have a massive freaking Vulcan cannon. But how could he know what a threat that weapon was? There was no way he’d have a real frame of reference.
The dragon managed to begin breathing – a massive storm of electricity – as the wall of steel-jacketed slugs struck it straight in the chest. Lenntu just weathered the storm and continued firing. Thousands upon thousands of rounds struck the monstrous creature.
It had never had a chance, and that was before we added in the fire from the rest of us. Its mangled corpse just barely cleared Lenntu and slammed into the wall behind him.
Lenntu, still smoking from the lightning that had struck him while firing, came over and hugged me exuberantly. “THAT WAS THE BEST THING EVER! I CAN’T FEEL MY HANDS!”
“Oof. Glad you liked it,” I said as he put me down.
“YOU COULD KILL A LOT OF GIANTS WITH THAT!” Lenn told his clone.
“YEAH!” the other roared.
A thought hit me. I stroked my chin thoughtfully. “You COULD kill a lot of giants with that…”
“Kyle?” Aurora asked me.
“Look around. If that dragon has a decent treasure hoard, we’re clearing out the lower city tomorrow.” Of course the dragon had a hoard. And it was massive. I actually laughed when I saw it, doing my best Doctor Maximillian Hertz impression, though not intentionally. I was actually giddy at the thought of what we could do with all of that filthy luchre.
After we put away the gun, I conjured a couple wheelbarrows and another demiplane mansion, with an entrance hidden in a small chamber off of the dragon’s main lair. I tasked the others – my minions, since I was in a mad scientist mood – to wheel in the treasure, separating out the magical items. Anything we could use, we’d keep. The rest we gave to the Spared.
I worked for hours, crafting both gear and a plan. Morgiv came by and helped us figure out the location. There was an open square near the center of town, though he said it was near a yeti lair. We’d have to deal with them first.
First we’d prepare the ground. Then we’d activate the beacon, a device I’d created to allow scrying and teleportation into an area that was normally shielded. The beacon would prevent all the spells I was using to keep Karzoug from spying on us from functioning. So he’d find us almost immediately. And then he’d probably send EVERYTHING in the city our way.
I gave us better than seventy five percent odds that we could win that fight.
Morgiv wasn’t willing to commit the Spared to a stand up fight, but he did promise he’d take any reasonable attacks of opportunity he could. That was good enough for me, and it added a few percent to our chance of victory. And I had a few ideas to make sure they could take full advantage of those chances.
The next morning, the yetis went down quickly and easily. They didn’t see us coming and had no time to raise an alarm. The threat was eliminated and we scouted out the site.
It was better than I was expecting, but not as good as I’d hoped. Still, we could make it work. It would just take a little extra doing. But many hands make light work, as they say, and the Spared were willing to help with the setup, even if they wouldn’t fight alongside us directly. We even managed to avoid discovery by patrols – which we murdered. Like hobos. You know, quietly and with a shank in the kidneys.
It was high noon when we had done everything we could possibly do. “I reckon that’s an interesting sign,” I said to no one as I booted up the beacon.
I could hear the soft sounds that indicated that the beacon’s micro-fusion generator had kicked on. My magic sight showed an intense field of magic, a sphere with a diameter of roughly one hundred feet.
I took a moment to confirm that everything was ready. Aurora and Geo were watching the path to the north, where the majority of the lamias and their servants would be coming from. Meanwhile, Lenn and Lenntu were watching for Giants from the south. Paulie and Juiz were scanning the skies.
We’d erected defensive walls all around, giving the enemy only two paths in, where we were hopefully ready. I was certain that between Lenn and Lenntu with his gun would definitely result in a massive pile of giant corpses. And I knew Aurora and Geo would be able to handle the smaller folks. All that was a real threat was the sky. And we had a plan to escape if things went south.
An image of Karzoug, twice as tall as life, appeared before me. “Imprisoned for ten thousand years. Trapped within my own homeland. And now you dare enter my realm?”
I smirked. “It won’t be yours for much longer, Special K,” I said flippantly. I’m sure that the cereal reference was lost on him.
“Already my armies converge upon your position. You will be swarmed under.”
“Oh? We’re ready for them.”
He sneererd at me. “I count seven of you, and one merely a mechanical construct. I’m going to enjoy watching you fall.”
“Juiz, Track Fourteen Eighty Three, instrumental version, please. Start at time thirty two seconds.”
“Acknowledged,” the AI’s voice responded over the radio. I gave Karzoug the kind of look one gives an idiot and began to sing, because why banter via words when song is an option?
“I know that your powers of retention
Are as wet as a warthog’s backside
But thick as you are, pay attention
My words are a matter of Pride
It’s clear from your vacant expression
The lights are not all on upstairs
But we’re ending false apprehensions
Sadly you won’t be caught unawares
So prepare for the end of your lifetime
Be prepared for your afterlife, dude
A shining new era
Is tiptoeing nearer
But where do we feature?
Just listen to teacher
I know it sounds sordid
But we’ll be rewarded
When at last this world is rid of you
In justice, our weapons are bared
Be prepared!”
He sputtered with rage. He’d caught my emphasis on the word “pride” and leapt to the obvious conclusion. “So at last I understand. Agents of Pride! I promise you, I will end you then march my armies upon your master. You think yourself ready for my army? YOU ARE NOT PREPARED!”
I couldn’t take it. I blinked a few times, not convinced he’d really said that. Then I laughed harder than I’d laughed in a long time. “I’ve heard that one before, Illidunce. I killed him too. Come then, let us show you how your armies amount to precisely diddly.”
He sputtered with rage and I ignored him. The skies were beginning to fill with kuchrima. I began summoning, conjuring up a half-dozen bralanis. “Wind walls!” I commanded them in Celestial. “Leave a single gap. I want them to have to cluster to hit us! Once the walls are up, begin firing lightning bolts on targets of opportunity. Any time you can hit at least two, do it! Then do what you can to take them down. Thin their numbers as much as possible.”
As the early fighting began in the skies, I got a call on the radio from Morgiv. “A third of the giants are not heading in your direction. They seem to be heading away! I think they’re fleeing the city.”
Huh. I wondered what that was about. “Nice. Remind your scouts about firing discipline.” No sense in wasting the planted explosives and poison gas on the vanguard. I’d instructed them to wait for the meat of the enemy force before setting off their detonators.
“We understand. Good luck.”
“To you as well.”
The Lamias and their minions were the first to reach us. Likely, they were the most loyal to Karzoug. I watched as Aurora and Starbrite made hit and run attacks on the enemies, cutting down enemies in twos and threes. Geo sank into the ground – no idea when he’d managed to learn to do that, but likely had Megamanned the power from an earth elemental like he had with the self reconstruction power from an undead. Enemies started just disappearing into the ground at random, with massive geysers of blood shooting out moments later.
I conjured a wall of force to prevent anything that got past them from getting to us. I hoped they would be okay, or at least that I could bring down the wall quickly enough to help them if I had to. Several explosions through the city told me that the Spared had set off their traps.
To the south, I heard the sound of Lenntu’s gun firing up – he was just wearing earplugs this time – and turned to see giants start to fall in a hail of bullets.
“You’re not going to have an army left at this rate,” I snarked at the image of Karzoug.
“These can be replaced.”
I started to say something else, but an arrow narrowly missed me. I conjured up a group of mirror images – illusions of myself that would mimic my actions – to soak a few arrows. “Hold that thought. I need to help our catman kill your air force.”
“You think you can take them?”
“You underestimate me!” I loosed a bolt of lightning. “I am Kyle O’Halloran, and I come from the world of Zeus!” Lightning arced from one enemy to another, striking those inbetween. “I come from the world of Thor!” I unleashed several more bolts, finally loosing one that spread out in all directions from its target. “I COME FROM THE WORLD OF NIKOLA FREAKING TESLA!”
Juiz had heard my rant and autonomously decided to begin pumping some Amon Amarth through the speakers. And that’s why I had chosen to make her as a fully actualized AI, rather than a VI. I wanted her to be able to make her own decisions without my constant babysitting. That her decision was to up the metal quotient of the battle by two hundred percent was just a testament on how well I’d programmed her personality.
“Ride to meet your fate! RAGNAROK AWAITS!” I sang out as I filled the sky with a burning sirocco, which sent waves of enemy fliers crashing to the ground.
“My minions still come, yet you are running out of spells,” Karzoug said with a smirk.
From my magic bag, I produced a disposable rocket launcher with ten shots while Juiz pulled out another one. “I cast magic missile,” I said sarcastically, unleashing one shot after another. Once we were out of shots, there were still far too many enemies remaining. “We should have Lenntu switch over to the skies,” I said. Or tried to say.
Lenntu’s gun exploded, the sound stopping me mid-sentence.
It must have been damaged during the fight with the dragon. I felt stupid for not giving it a thorough check. “Juiz, switch to the grenade launcher and help the Lenns!”
“Things seem to be turning against you,” Karzoug said to me.
“You’re not wrong,” I said. “It would take a miracle to turn this around. Paulie!”
“I have no more fireballs!” the cat man called me.
“Nothing bigger?”
“You told me not to use anything bigger! You yelled at me!”
Crap. I had. “I’m sorry. What I meant was that you needed to be more careful when your spells could hit us. But we’re not in the sky, so it’s okay. Let it go, let it go. Don’t hold it back anymore!”
He began laughing maniacally as his body burst into flame. He was soon a Paulie shaped fire elemental. “BURN IT ALL!” he cackled. The sky erupted into a conflagration that blotted the sun.
I had said it would take a miracle. Well…
“Are you ready for a miracle?” I sang.
“As ready as I can be!” Kira sang back, clapping. She was enjoying this too much.
“I said are you ready for a miracle?!”
“The spirit will set you free!”
I conjured up an illusory choir who continued the song as I surveyed the field. Juiz and the two Lenns had the giants under control – Lenn was beating a giant to death with its own arm! – so I grabbed the rail gun from the ground and flew onto the wall of force, where I began helping Aurora and Geo –let’s be honest, it was probably Jack – with the Lamias.
In a moment of perfect timing, the Spared decided to join the fray just as the music reached the perfect point.
Blessed be the innocent
For they shall all be free
Blessed be the miracle
That’s made for you and me
Now are you ready, ready
Are you ready, ready
Are you ready for a miracle
As ready as I can be
Are you ready for a miracle
The spirit will set you free
Are you ready, ready, ready, ready
I’m ready, I’m ready for a miracle!
“You celebrate too soon!” Karzoug shouted. “Look!”
Several dragons were flying in from the north. They were less than a minute away when the beacon dinged. “Do you ever tire of being wrong?” I asked.
“What?”
“It’s time for MY reinforcements!” I crowed as five figures – Chadwick and several of the Rangers – appeared next to the beacon.
“Only five?” the Runelord scoffed.
“Hold your horses, kemosabe.” Each of the five pulled a portable hole from their pocket and unfolded it. Four more figures climbed out of each, all wearing Voidstrife livery. Then the Rangers drew out an additional hole each. Four more figures leapt from each of those. Every single one of them had basic rifles. Even the spellcasters.
The dragons didn’t stand a chance.
“THIS ISN’T OVER!” Karzoug roared.
“Don’t worry. I’ll be coming for you soon,” I said. “So very soon.”
“You’ll die first!”
“Been there, got the t-shirt.” He decided not to say more and disappeared.
Chadwick walked over. “Done pissing off the ancient wizard?”
“For now. So, tell me… Pathfinders?” My tone was suspicious.
“You needed people strong enough to help. I was on a bit of a time limit, so I couldn’t be choosy.”
I sighed. “Fair enough. I notice you also have a few White Grotto agents.”
“It was a condition of the support of Absalom’s leadership.”
Oh really? “We have resources?”
“I’ll bring in another sixty people tomorrow.”
I laughed. “Then the lower city is ours.”
He pulled out a metallic case. “I bring more good news.”
I opened the case, finding a memory stick within. “No! You brought me the footage?”
“Magnimar survived. As to what happened? Well, you’ll have to watch it.”
I conjured up another extradimensional mansion so we’d have a place to rest. It had been one hell of a day. I also needed somewhere to work on repairing the gun – Lenntu had survived, but the gun was totaled. Even I wouldn’t be able to fully repair it in a day, though I could get it part of the way there. Chadwick could fix the rest with magic once I’d done that.
We managed to find the remaining rings we needed, though not enough to take others with us. Which was fine, we could move while they defended the beacon and the lower city.
We were nearing the end of the game. But first, I needed a good soak in a hot tub, a nap, and maybe a movie. After that? Koi koi, Special K.
Game on.
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