Death is often described as cold, and the grave as foreboding. Well, when we entered the Gluttony wing of the Runeforge, known to the empire of Thassilon as the Ravenous Crypts, we certainly felt all of that. Aurora was especially affected by the aura of desecration my magic senses could see all around us. She described it as feeling “wrong, as if the very air was dead”. But she was far from the only one. Each of us felt uncomfortable in that place.
Except, of course, Geo. Whatever that man has done to himself, he’s no longer like the rest of us. At this point, that truth is plain as day. I don’t think he’s truly undead either, though. If anything, he’s perhaps like a dhampir: living, but at the same time, very much not.
So, of course, he felt right at home in the Ravenous Crypts.
We entered the first chamber of the crypts, a circular affair whose walls were decorated with ten giant skulls carved out of stone. And, in case the whole death motif was too subtle to indicate that this place was for necromancers, six mummies popped out of the mouths of the skulls to attack us. I tried to grab my Abbot and Costello pokeball to throw at them, but somehow I left it in my other pants.
Paulie, still stuck in firebug mode, did something more useful and lit one on fire. So I took my cue from that and activated my armor’s wand crystal, launching a fireball into a small group of them before they got close enough for me to risk hitting an ally.
All in all, it was a refreshingly straightforward fight. Our melee fighters beat the ever-loving crap out of the mummies in very short order, and Lenn didn’t miss a single hit. Feels good, man.
Beyond the chamber was a walkway that stretched over a hundred and fifty foot deep pit, the walls of which were lined with hundreds, maybe thousands, of coffins. All of those were empty. Because of course they were. Feck my life.
There were ornate doors leading off in all four directions. Aurora felt something evil to the north, so we decided to bite the bullet and get that part over with. We didn’t want whatever it was coming for us from behind. So we went north. Or, at least, I think it was north. I wasn’t exactly using a compass, but based on where I was facing when we entered the portal and the turns I’ve made since then, I think it was north.
Beyond the double doors, we discovered the source of what Aurora felt. A gaping black portal from the Plane of Negative Energy stood before us. Well, that explained why the whole place felt evil.
Let me explain. Positive energy is like a fire, a fire from which all life springs. It is said that even our very souls are constructed of bits of this fire. In small amounts, it is safe, even very necessary. In large amounts, it would blast apart the atoms of your body.
Negative energy, on the other hand, is like the ocean. Cold, uncaring and, more than anything, hungry. And in the same way that positive energy is the source of life, negative energy is the source of undeath. This was an extremely dangerous thing to leave lying around.
Feeding the portal was a pair of pylons, one on either side. “We’ll just see what Mister C-4 has to say about that,” I said. “Juiz, be a dear and set up a charge on each for me?” As an AI controlling a suit of powered armor, she wouldn’t have to worry about her life force getting sucked into the portal. I could have also sent Geo to do it, I suspect, but sometimes I worry about his judgment.
“Understood,” Juiz acknowledged. A few moments later, we retreated to a safe range and I hit the detonator.
Mister C-4, a very stable compound of few words – a true stoic among explosives – only had one thing to say. “Boom!” he intoned, shattering the pylons into a million pieces. And then all hell broke loose. Or, more specifically, the collapse of the portal created a kind of suction in its death throes, dragging something from the other side into this world. And it was a doozy.
On the seam where the Plane of Shadows touches the Negative Energy Plane, there exist creatures twisted by darkness and evil, beings of shadow called Nightshades. It is said that the heroes of Valor’s Triumph faced down a great number of these under the control of a rogue devil during the battle for the city. That tells me just how powerful they must have been, because just the one was an incredible foe.
What came through was a bat-like Nightshade, colloquially called a ‘nightwing’ – not to be confused with an adult Dick Grayson. Its greatest asset is its flight, which was limited in the portal room. “Everyone, keep it in there! Don’t let it get into the larger room!”
Aurora charged and put herself between the foe and the door. Lenn followed, then Geo snuck in past them to attack from behind. Lenntu fired over their shoulders, while Paulie and I remained behind them.
It was a creature of shadow, so I hit it with a blast of radiant light, but it resisted. It still didn’t like the light. “Keep trying that!” Aurora called back, calling up her halo. The nightwing recoiled from the light.
“I’m out!” I called. “Paulie, you have any light-based attack spells?”
He fugued again. “Why are we trying to hurt the poor bat? We should, like, live in harmony with all of Mother Planet’s creatures! All life is sacred, you know?”
Oh crap, the hippie. “It’s an undead from another plane!” I told him, exasperated.
“Oh, that’s okay then. Undead are bad!” He held out his hand and a beam of searing light struck the enemy. This time, it didn’t resist, howling in anguish and trying to push past Lenn and Aurora, who managed to just barely hold it back.
I had to do something. If it got past them, we might be in serious trouble. But I was out of offensive light spells. All that I had left… heh. Spell resistance is a fun thing. It protects you against magic, but not always against the consequences of magic. I cast a spell, creating a light strong as day upon a coin and held it up. I walked forward, so that it would have to pass me to get to Paulie. And if you don’t know what came next, you haven’t been paying attention.
“You cannot pass!” I shouted. “I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the Flame of Anor. The dark fire will not avail you, Flame of Udun! Go back to the shadow. YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”
Paulie launched another blast of light, and once more it tried to press past, wanting to kill him more than it wanted to escape the light I held. I heard voices behind me. “We are Rangers. We walk in the dark places no others will enter. We stand on the bridge, and no one may pass. We are One. We live for the One, we die for the One.” I glanced behind me, and there three stood, each holding up a sunrod – an alchemical torch that puts out as much light as the spell I had cast. As they spoke, they each activated another, so the light coming from behind me was blinding.
The light was too great and the nightwing tried to retreat further back into the other room, and right into reach of Geo. I don’t know what he tore out. But he tore something out and the nightwing crashed to the floor. We advanced, holding our lights before us. It weakly tried to flee, then Lenn put it out of its misery.
I was touched by how quickly and how thoroughly the adventurers had taken to the Rangers, but I didn’t want to risk losing one on the first day. Yet, I couldn’t tell them to stay where it was safe. So, I decided to turn this into a teaching moment. “Thank you for the help. Your intervention was timely.”
“We couldn’t just sit around while you fought to clear this place out.”
I nodded. “Understood. But these halls are too small for so many. So instead, how about I put you to your first official task as Rangers?” They nodded. “Okay, the most important task as a Ranger is gathering intelligence so that the organization can act on it. So that’s what I want you to do. Head into the Sloth wing and try to map out what you can. Take your time, keep an eye out for traps. Avoid engagements when possible. If you reach a point where an enemy blocks your way, fall back to the central chamber and set up a defensive line. Remember, the information is the most important part. Come back with it at all costs, but don’t take unnecessary risks. If you die, no one can bring back the information.”
They voiced their acceptance of the order and headed out. I turned back to the others and Aurora’s expression was filled with approval. I could feel some teasing coming on, so I suggested we get going.
We picked one of the two remaining doors randomly and headed south. The hallway curved back west, leading into an ornate crypt. At a distance, I could see an inscription under a well-kept sarcophagus. It read:
Lord Anklerius Mankray Inib of House Inib
Master Vintner and Beloved Father
An assassin’s blade did what hundreds of duels could not.
Standing – maybe the wrong word – next to the sarcophagus was a clay statue plated in iron. It had the lower body of a snake and the torso of a naked woman – no nipples, anime style. Its head was a sihedron rune. “Lissala,” Paulie said. I knew that one. That made me feel better after the whole Milani thing.
Quick background. Lissala is – was? – goddess of runes, fate, duty, obedience and the rewards of service. It was from her that the Thassilonian virtues of rule came. All in all, not a good person. Rune-headed snake thingy. Whatever.
At this point, it didn’t surprise anyone when the statue started advancing on us. “Another golem?” Aurora asked.
“Yeah, probably.”
“Will my ammo work for Lenntu?”
“Yeah. Toss him your clip of adamantine ammo before engaging, please.” It was nice to have these simple, straightforward fights once in a while. Something for Lenn to beat down. It keeps him happy, and that makes the rest of us less nervous. Happy Lenn, happy party, I always say.
No, I really don’t ever say that. But bear with me here. I’m just relieved not to have to face some horror from beyond. Give me a nice, simple golem any day. Or even better, a dude in armor with a spear. Something simple, straightforward and not horrifying, is all I ask. If only every fight was like this.
After the fight, Paulie grinned and walked over to shelf. He grabbed a bottle of wine, popped it open and took a swig. “Whoa. This is Inib wine! Dude. Sweet.” He downed the rest of the bottle.
Aurora and I exchanged a glance. “Well,” I said, “let’s throw a few bottles in the bag. If nothing else, maybe we can use them in the Runeforge?”
“I WANT SOME TO MAKE SAUSAGE!” Lenn roared. One of these days we’ll get him to understand the concept of ‘indoor voice’. But there were dozens of bottles, maybe as many as a hundred. We could certainly get a couple for him too.
Wine safely stowed in magic bags, we went back to the crossroad walkway and continued on through the final door, heading east. Straight into a room covered in blood, gore and half-harvested corpses. Because of course we did. I knew I was going to get smacked down for feeling relieved.
I examined the corpses to see if they had been harvested for magic use or for eating – we were in the Gluttony wing, after all – and was able to determine that it had been done for magic. Though I’m not sure that made me feel any better. I think I would have been happier if they’d been feeding them to the dogs or something. I also wasn’t happy by the level of skill the harvester displayed. We were dealing with a powerful necromancer here.
From the clothing that they still sort of wore, the corpses had come from the Abjurant Halls of Blah Blah Blah. Yeah, you know the place. Envy. They had likely taken as many corpses as they could during the uprising, and it looked like they were rationing them.
Rationing. CORPSES. Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality. Open your eyes, look up to the skies and SEEEEEE! Okay, I’m better now. I think.
Beyond that chamber was a workshop, though it looked unused. Still, there were a number of valuable chemicals lying around. There were also books. As we examined the place, I noticed Geo putting some books in his bag. “Anything interesting in those?”
“In what?”
“Those books you’re putting in your bag.”
“I’m not putting any books in my bag,” he said as he put another book in his bag. I gave him a look. He glanced down at his hands. “How did this book end up in my hand?” I just shrugged. I wasn’t going to answer. I’m not sure I’d survive making Jack mad at me.
From there, the path split north and south. We ended up going north first, chosen via coin flip. Geo led the way, and not just because I wanted to keep him where I could see him, though mostly because I wanted to keep him where I could see him.
We walked into another laboratory, where we found some kind of zombie hungrily munching on a corpse. When Geo entered, it regarded him suspiciously, then shoved the entire liver in its mouth, like a little kid trying to keep a treat away from another kid. Creepy.
Then the zombie saw Lenntu. If this were a cartoon, I’m guessing that would have been the point where the audience sees Lenntu as a giant chicken leg or something, because he charged straight at the big guy.
That was a mistake. Lenntu smacked him with the butt of his gun, knocking him to the ground. Then the other melee fighters surrounded the prone undead and hacked it to death. It was pretty pathetic, if I’m being honest.
After the fight, Geo began grabbing more research notes. As he did so, I stopped him after noticing a few words on one page. “What is it?” Aurora asked me.
“I think we’ve found info on how they preserved Zutha, the Runelord of Gluttony.” Paulie, a little drunk, started giggling. “Anyway, they were planning to make a special phylactery, a book in three parts. Once reassembled, this ‘Gluttonous Tome’ would allow him to return.” We would have to let the Rangers know. Finding that tome, coating a piece of it in concrete and mailing that concrete to another planet would be a pretty high priority.
We headed out of the lab and headed down the remaining hallway, coming up against more of those damn mummies. But this time, we faced them in a hallway, making it hard for our melee fighters to get engage.
But we had other options than melee. Aurora took up the front, I laid on the ground just behind her and fired from between her legs, while Lenntu stood over me and fired his shotgun over her shoulder. My automatic fire was particularly effective at chipping away at the mummies, I must admit.
Then Lenn got bored, pushed past us and took out the last two on his own. I’m more surprised that he waited the full thirty seconds to get bored, if I’m being honest. He was being nice and quiet while we looked through the previous lab, like that fidgeting kid at the bank that you just know is desperate to run screaming through the lobby, flinging deposit slips at the old lady with the bag of pennies.
Inside the crypt, Geo found a hidden passage in one of the biers. Why he was looking in there, I will not speculate. But he found it, and we headed through it and into another lab.
And that’s where we found the lich. Because of course there was a lich. And sadly, this one wasn’t so incompetent that he turned himself into a patch of fungus like the last one.
“Greetings,” he said urbanely from his seat at a workbench. “I am Azaven, master of these halls. Now, I must kill you all. Your body parts are too valuable to my research to let slip from my grasp. But I promise you, if you cooperate and tell me of the world outside, I will make your deaths as quick and painless as possible.”
“Counter offer,” I said. “You let us kill you quick, and we won’t be forced to use the remains of your phylactery in the manufacture of codpieces for the elderly men at Saint Albius’ Home for the Sufferers of Disgusting Venereal Diseases.”
Lenn aside, everyone in the room gave me one of those head-tilted, eyebrow-raised looks that tells you that they can’t believe what the heck you just said. Well, to be honest, the lich didn’t raise his eyebrow. He didn’t have eyebrows. Oh, he had flesh, but very little. But no eyebrows.
“Very well,” the Azaven replied, then struck me with a powerful necromantic attack spell one of my instructors liked to call ‘Finger of Death’, because the caster points a finger at you and you die. Look, these are left-brained thinkers here. Creativity isn’t usually their strong suit.
That hurt like hell. Against a wizard, that spells a killer. Someone stronger, like Aurora or Lenn, probably could have tanked through it, maybe even shrugging it off like it was nothing. But I’m just a wizard in power armor, which, while good against things like rays of fire, is useless against necromancy.
I felt myself falling, losing consciousness. The last thing I remember before hitting the ground was the sound of Aurora screaming my name. It looked like game over. And it would have been, if not for two things.
The first was that I also done a little necromancy that morning, weaving a shell of necromantic energy that could take some of any damage I took, making wounds that should have been fatal merely painful, and wounds that should have been extremely fatal only somewhat fatal. So yes, I still died, and with that, I still collapsed to the ground.
But that’s where my second preparation had come in. I had enchanted my armor with the power of Determination, the ability to automatically heal its wearer if they fell unconscious or died in combat. It was very expensive, but extremely useful when you needed it, even if it could only work once per day. I was going to put it on Aurora’s armor, but she insisted that I do mine first. After this, I would be putting it on everyone’s gear as soon as I had the resources and the time.
As I hit the ground, I felt a wave of healing energy hit me. I opened my eyes in time to see Paulie walking over to me. He cast a massive healing spell on me once he reached me, and suddenly I felt as good as new.
Paulie helped me to my feet and I took in the sights of the room. The lich had put up a wall of force between us and him, giving him time to cast buff spells with impunity. To keep us busy, he had summoned a devourer, a terrible undead creature that consumes the souls of the living to fuel its powers. Aurora and Lenn – halos out – had engaged it while Geo was once more at its flank, trying to perform a living autopsy of sorts.
Lenntu was trying to shoot through the wall, ineffectively. Like trying to use a blaster on a droideka. “Help them,” I told him as I cast a spell on myself to allow me to see through the illusory defenses I saw Azaven casting. “This lich is mine.”
“Like, got a plan?” Paulie asked me.
“Twelve percent of one,” I replied. “I’m thinking I’ll use some spells I prepared in case Lyrie showed up today. Got anything that can really mess up his day?”
“Totally.”
“Good. Then get ready. It’s you and me. Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra.” I gave Azaven a death glare and held out my hand. “SHAKA WHEN THE WALLS FELL!” I shouted, unleashing a magical ray of disintegration at the magical barrier, utterly destroying it.
Azaven attempted to cast a spell, but Paulie was faster. Chains of light erupted from the ground, binding the lich. He could still move, which meant he could still cast, but it was difficult. It became even more difficult when Aurora charged him and began striking him repeatedly.
Thank god this wasn’t World of Warcraft, or I might have had to yell at Aurora for breaking the crowd control. But the chains held.
“HOW?!” The lich cried out.
“Kiteo, his eyes closed,” I said. Understanding was beyond him anyway. “It doesn’t matter. None of this matters, for you at least.” I held out my hand again. “In the name of God, impure souls of the living dead shall be banished into eternal damnation.”
“AMEN.” Aurora and I said simultaneously. I’d have to thank Kira again for getting us those animes. It was nice having Aurora understand what I was saying. Next: MEMES. AHAHAHA!
<You’re such a dork.>
Another disintegrating ray shot out from my hand, striking the lich. He roared – not in pain, he would feel none – but in outrage. And then he was silent forevermore. The river Temarc in winter. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
The others finished off the devourer, so Paulie went over to heal them up. Aurora, meanwhile rushed over and grabbed me by the shoulders. She looked me over, scowling. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
She hugged me tight to her. “Don’t scare me like that!” she said. She was crying, so I held her. It was a little awkward since we were both in armor.
“Sorry,” she said. “I don’t know why I’ve been so emotional. Just please, promise me you’ll be careful.”
“Don’t worry. Nothing’s going to happen to me.”
“Okay,” she said. “Now what do we do?”
“We have to find the lich’s phylactery.”
“Why don’t we have a drink or three first, to celebrate?” Paulie asked. That wine wasn’t going to last through the end of the wing at this rate. I found myself wishing there was something for him to light on fire just so I wouldn’t have to deal with the hippie anymore.
“Once everything’s calm, Master Paulie,” Geo interceded. “But first we should see what’s down that hidden trap door.”
What. “Trap door?” I asked.
“Over there, in the corner. Can’t you see it?”
Now I was annoyed. “Of course I can see it, but I need proof you can see it. Open it.” No, I couldn’t see it. But I was cranky after having died. Again.
<You were dead for less than a second.>
<Eight point oh three two milliseconds, to be precise. What’s your point?>
<Oh, you.>
“See?” Geo said. “Right here.” He opened the hatch, revealing a ladder down into another chamber. He dropped right down through the hole. None of that did anything to make me less cranky.
I followed after Geo. We were in another crypt of some kind with three sarcophagi. “Hold back,” I told the others. “The room is fairly small and we don’t want to crowd the place. I’ll just use my magic sight to look for traps while Geo looks for more mundane ones.”
Only, I didn’t get to complete the last sentence. Three words in, I noticed Geo opening one of the sarcophagi. It doesn’t matter which one. All were emanating obscene amounts of necromantic magic.
Picard, his hand outstretched. Picard, his face in his hand.
Decorative reliefs upon the walls shifted, unleashing a wave of powerful necromantic energy through the room. I cried out in agony. Not gonna lie, there might have been tears. It hurt a lot. I vaguely recall Aurora crying out my name in concern.
There was kind of a clicking sound all around, as if the trap was trying to draw on a source of fuel that simply wasn’t there. Then it was silent and I was lying there in Aurora’s arms. Once she was sure I was okay, she dropped me. “You jerk!” she shouted, storming over to the ladder but not leaving the room.
Geo, none the worse for wear – in fact, he looked more vibrant and alive than before – had managed to open the first sarcophagus. Within was a pile of valuables, which we gathered up for deconstruction later. In the second, which I only let him open because the magic aura was gone, was a pile of books.
Geo began examining the tomes, but before he could snatch any, I stopped him. “Nope,” I said. “Those are spellbooks. Mine.”
Geo grinned. “Fair enough. Let me know if there’s anything I might find useful in there.”
Like that would happen. “Sure.”
The final sarcophagus had a magical aura remaining, but it was different than before. I had Geo open it, but not until I was on the far side of the room. Aurora put herself between me and the danger, but she still didn’t say anything.
It was all for nothing. The stone coffin opened with no incident. I went back to inspect it and was amazed at what I saw within. The Lich was beginning to regenerate. It was very, very preliminary, but there could be absolutely no doubt.
“What’s that?” Geo asked, pointing at the newly formed bone fragments.
“This whole coffin must be his phylactery,” I said, using my magic sight to confirm. “Yes, it seems to be.”
“So, what do we do?”
I pulled a full brick of C-4 from my back. “Do you even need to ask?”
We headed back up the ladder and Paulie healed my wounds once more, taking the time to do so more efficiently with numerous smaller spells. Then, only when he was sure I was okay, Lenn hit me.
“What the hell?!”
“STOP MAKING AURORA CRY!” He pulled me to my feet and his face was inches from mine. I would have to invest in a toothbrush for him. “She’s a girl. It’s not good to make girls cry.”
I thought he was going to hit me again, but Aurora intervened. “It’s okay, Lenn,” she said, her hand on his forearm. “Our work is dangerous. Sometimes one of us is going to get hurt. I don’t like it. It terrifies me to think something might happen to him, or any of you, for that matter. But it could happen. I just have to get used to the idea and try to remember that, no matter what happens, so long as one of us lives, they’ll make sure to bring back the others.”
Lenn let me go. “That’s okay then.” He glared at me again before his face returned to its usual oblivious expression.
“That said,” Aurora whispered into my ear after Lenn had walked away. “If you die on me and don’t find a way back, I swear I will find you in the afterlife and kill you.”
It’s great to be loved. “Right back at you.” I held out the detonator. “You want the honor?”
“We’ll do it together,” she said, giving me one of those smiles that turn my brain to mush.
Just like my parents always said, it’s the little things couples do that keep a marriage strong.
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