Well, we made it to Sandpoint in one piece, which is good. Once we arrived, we sought quarters in an inn called The Rusty Dragon, which offers rooms half price to those with great adventure stories. Apparently, my tale of my journey through the depths of space to come to Golarion was deemed too far-fetched and cast doubts on any tales we told, so we were stuck paying full price. Sometimes I just get no respect.
I’ve played enough video games to know that when you reach a new town, you never get to continue on your quest immediately. You have to do some stuff for the locals. Raise your reputation meter. That kind of thing. Then, once they get to know you, they’ll be more forthcoming with information you need to continue on your main mission. It’s either that or bribery.
Luckily, The Rusty Dragon has a jobs board of a sort, things for out of work adventurers to help with. I quickly found something I could help with. A local armorsmith’s crew had come down with some sort of illness and would be out for a week or more. Since some of my studies at the Arcanamirium had involved a bit of smithing, I was suited to assist. Aurora found some work guarding a warehouse or something. Basically she patrolled around out front of some building near the wharfs looking menacing.
I’m not sure what Geo, Lenn and Paulie were doing, but we did see them here and there on our day to day business. Not much interesting happened during that first week, but we did keep hearing about some kind of festival. I’ve seen this movie. Out-of-towner gets burned alive at the festival to ensure a good harvest or something. I didn’t tell them why, but I suggested that the five of us go to the festival together. Thankfully, the others agreed.
During the opening ceremonies, we found out more about the temple being dedicated. It seemed to be a multi-denominational type deal. I wonder if the ground would start quaking if I said a few Hail Marys in there. I recognized many of the holy symbols on the banners there. Calais’ goddess was represented, as was Aurora’s god. I also recognized the symbol of the goddess Shelyn, the goddess of that young woman. You know, that one time where my hair fell out.
Like any good festival, there were games of skill and chance, many of them likely rigged. There were also multiple offerings of unhealthy fair food, devoid of any nutritional value. I was one bearded lady eating a deep fried Snickers bar away from feeling like I was back home.
We decided to try our luck at some of the games. For the first, someone had set up a mockup of the creature known as the Sandpoint Devil with an archery target on it. Several of my companions won the big prize, some kind of pie. I managed to lose my grip on the string, loose the arrow wide of the target and hit myself in the arm with the snap of the string. Thankfully, I was wearing my coat, so the only thing that got hurt was my pride. Lenn won a lesser prize, which he traded to Geo for a pie. I amused myself by mentioning that the stone was in fact a type of geode.
Next we found a strength game, the kind where you hit the little board and the weight goes flying up. Hit the bell and win a grand prize. Aurora hit it pretty hard, but not hard enough for the grand prize. She got a tiny toy bunny, instead. I was careful not to let her see me smile at that. She’s pretty tough, but she has a thing for small animals.
I went next. I managed to hit the target, but the damn weight barely moved. Of course, everyone was laughing at me. Even Aurora teased me a bit. One thing you should know about me is that I really don’t like being laughed at unless I intended it to happen. I couldn’t let that stand. As I watched Lenn stroll up for his turn, a thought struck like a bolt from the blue. After glancing at the rules once more, my lips parted in a wicked grin. I’d show them. I’d show them all! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
As I pulled out my spellbook, I heard Lenn take his swing. The weight hit so hard that it dented the bell. I focused on studying what I would need, then returned. “Please go over the rules with me again, good sir,” I said to the man running it.
“It’s simple. Hit the target with the mallet. Ring the bell and win a prize. No other weapons may be substituted.”
It was perfect. I smiled and handed the man a silver. “Just in case I need a couple tries.” He nodded. Taking the mallet in one hand, I cast a spell and immediately grew to twice my size. The mallet grew with me. The man looked like he was going to say something, but I cut him off. “There’s nothing in the rules that says I can’t enlarge myself first.” He thought for a moment, unable to figure out any way out of it, and just nodded.
I gave it my mightiest swing… and whiffed it. Enraged, I swung again, missing once more. I was letting my anger get the best of me. I had to use it, not let it use me. I focused my anger into a white hot ball in the pit of my stomach and carefully aimed my shot. The weight rocketed up, bending the dented bell even further. Funny thing is, I don’t even remember what my prize had been. I just remember strutting away past an exasperated crowd of onlookers. Aurora just shook her head and chuckled at me as I winked at her.
We moved on to a bean bag toss game run by a man who had a hatred of goblins that I could really get behind. The bean bags were fashioned into the shape of little goblins and the holes you had to toss them into were painted to look like a fireplace. Children aimed for the closest hole, women for the one in the middle and men for the one furthest away. Aurora gave it a shot, but didn’t manage to sink all three goblins despite not needing to hit the farthest hole. Lenn didn’t fare too well either.
I think my stunt over at the strength game infected my companions with a streak of competitiveness, because I saw Geo take a swig of one of his alchemical concoctions before taking his shots. Then it was Paulie’s turn. He started out as normal, but missed a throw by a bit. He then walked away.
When he returned, he was walking on his knees, having gone so far as to put them in his shoes. His legs were tucked behind him. I immediately realized what he was doing. He was going to try to pass as a kid to get to aim at the closest target. I knew that even if he managed to fool the man running the game, there was no way he would fool the crowd around us. I had to do something to distract them or we were going to get run out of town on a rail. I pulled my violin from my magical bag and began playing “Devil Went Down to Isger”.
The crowd loved the sudden impromptu performance. All eyes were on me, which meant I couldn’t watch what Paulie was doing. Once I finished, however, I spotted him with a small bag of venison jerky, the prize for the game, so I assume that he actually pulled it off. I claimed a piece of jerky as my due for keeping the crowd from spotting what he was doing.
The jerky was a bit salty, so I headed over to get something to drink. Several of the others followed me, but Lenn went off to play another game after Geo cautioned him not to start any fights. The mead wasn’t very good, but the glass was large.
After our refreshment, we went looking for Lenn. Finding him wasn’t hard since he towered over everyone in the crowd. He was at some kind of catapult game similar to those where you toss a baseball at some bottles. The look on his face told us that he hadn’t won. Aurora and Paulie won. Can’t remember if Geo did or not, because I was lost in thought.
I felt bad for the big guy. He looked like he really wanted to win. So, Paulie and I went and convinced the proprietor to help us rig a game in exchange for a full gold piece. While we were talking to him, I saw Aurora give her prize, a toy catapult, to a child nearby. D’awww. Yes, I saw that, you big softie. Now stop reading my journal, Aurora.
It took a bit of surreptitious magic, but Lenn won. He seemed happy enough.
After a bit, the mayor once again took the stage. Innkeepers and restauranteurs brought forth offerings of various foods free of charge for all festival goers to enjoy. I rather liked the curried salmon provided by Ameiko Kaijutsu of The Rusty Dragon, though I could tell quite a few people were sweating with the spiciness of the dish. Silly gringos says the man who gets a second degree sunburn if he walks out in the afternoon sun unprotected for more than an hour.
Of course, no festival is complete without a random attack by goblins, complete with random dog killing, song singing and other mayhem. I didn’t see the first one to rush through the crowd, but I heard the singing. I had once foolishly believed that if I could speak their language, I’d be able to talk my way out of fights with them. So I learned it. Dumbass.
Spotting the most likely location the little bastard had run off to, I gave Aurora my ‘I’m about to do something reckless’ look and shouted after the goblin in his own tongue. “Your mother was a horse and your father was a dog!” I cried.
The damn thing peeked out from under a cart and looked around. “Who said that?” it asked. I pointed at Lenn, hoping it was stupid enough to allow itself to get within arms reach of the big guy. I also hoped it wouldn’t realize that I pointed because I knew what it was saying.
Two of the goblins charged us, while one climbed up on the carriage he had been hiding under. While the others focused on those nearest us, I cast a spell and unleashed an ear-piercing scream of “HELLO DETROIT! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!” on the goblin on top of the cart. Apparently I failed at my casting, because the damn thing just grinned and – I swear I’m not making this up – began headbanging.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lenn stab the ever-living crap out of a goblin with his short sword. He had left his massive axe back in his room at the inn due to Geo’s worry that things could only go wrong if the big guy carried it at the fair, which was probably the right decision, though I really wish he’d had it for the goblins.
I saw several arrows fly at the goblin on the carriage, but he managed to evade each and every shot, grinning all the while. I rushed forward and cast another spell, unleashing a cone of colors that clashed worse than anything you’ve ever seen outside of the nineteen seventies. Apparently the goblin couldn’t take it and crumpled, unconscious.
When I turned, the second goblin on the ground had fallen. Geo gave Lenn an alley oop and the big man grabbed the unconscious man on the cart. Paulie stabbed it and we moved on with the killing. Several more goblins were being led by some kind of war singer. They were setting a fire, almost killing one of their own. We took out several of them, including the singer, but one managed to escape.
I took a few moments to summon a horse to serve Aurora in Starbrite’s place, since we likely didn’t have time to get to where he was stabled. Not without sacrificing innocent civilians by wasting our time, at least. After she had mounted, I heard a scream. It was the type of scream you hear only from men who are dealing with things that are truly terrifying. I’ve let out a scream or two like that in my day. Usually involved finding a spider in the bathtub.
We rushed to the man’s aid. Geo got ahead of the man’s path, which took him next to the carriage we had fought the goblin on, and grabbed him, redirecting his path like a planet sling-shotting an asteroid. The man did a one-eighty around Geo and slammed right into the cart, knocking him senseless.
Chasing the man was a goblin riding what looked like a combination between a dog and that one urban legend where the tourists in Mexico bring back some kind of mutant rat thinking it’s a chihuahua. He was followed by several other goblins.
Geo, Lenn and I went around the front of the carriage, Paulie found a clear line to fire from and Aurora flanked the bastards by riding around the back of the carriage. We made short work of these goblins as well, though that thing, which I can only charitably call a dog, managed to escape.
We could hear the sounds of the city guard routing the goblin threat, so we tended to the injured man. He seemed grateful for the rescue. As an old hat at running screaming from goblins, I could sympathize. At least, I could sympathize until he started hitting on Aurora.
She looked uncomfortable as the man, who introduced himself as Aldern Foxglove, made eyes at her and began commenting on her beauty. Now, she’s my knight and protector, not my girlfriend – not that I would mind altering that situation – but I got pissed off at his presumption.
For all Aurora’s knightly training, she never had any real female role models. Her mother had died when she was really young. She was raised by a mostly neglectful father and several instructors. Don’t get me wrong, she’s comfortable enough dealing with men when it’s in a non-romantic manner. She’s always been just one of the guys in most situations, violently disabusing most people of notions otherwise swiftly and without mercy. So she struggles when in situations where someone expresses attraction to her and she can’t just punch them into leaving her alone.
I’m more or less an exception to this rule, since if I make a comment of that kind of nature, I tend to take it so over the top that she always laughs. I tried stopping once, but that didn’t last two days before she told me that she preferred the joking. I’m pretty used to not being taken seriously.
So it was that I felt the need to intervene. I could tell from the man’s dress that he was a noble of some kind, so I figured that he wouldn’t likely take anyone seriously if they weren’t also a noble. I removed my gauntlet of face punching to reveal my signet ring, then I placed my hand on his shoulder and leaned in to give him advice. “Friend,” I whispered, “for your own safety, I suggest you look elsewhere for the company of a beautiful woman. This one is more likely to dismember you for your comments than reward you with the old blush and giggle.”
He placed his hand on my shoulder to return the gesture and thanked me for the advice. He then apologized to Aurora and thanked all of us again for our aid. He told us to visit him at The Rusty Dragon later and he would reward us properly.
Ameiko Kaijutsu, proprietor of the inn, stopped by to thank us for our aid in defending the city. She offered us a couple weeks’ free lodging to thank us. The lecherous Foxglove thankfully followed after her when she left. I can’t blame him, because DAYUM. Still, not as pretty as Aurora, and I’m not just saying that because she’s probably reading my journal again right now. You keep that up and one of these days you’re going to open it to an ode to your sexy, sexy butt. I’ll probably write it in iambic pentameter, though I’m not sure how easy it will be to adapt “Baby Got Back” into iambic. I’ll still give it the old college try.
Anyway, I’ve gotten off topic. With our assistance of the town during the goblin attack, we might have earned enough of the town’s trust to begin getting answers about some of the nearby ruins and any giant activity in the area. With any luck, I’ll be home within a couple months.
Considering the fact that my luck is usually bad, what’s more likely to happen is that this goblin attack was merely the beginning. I’m sure we’ll end up facing some kind of cosmic horror before I find my way home.
It’s either that or more pugwampis.
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